Published: Tuesday, December 10, 2013

FIGURING FATHERHOOD

Dinosaurs and potty training

Quote of the day: When the end of the world comes, deal with the toilet first.
Few things survive evolution. Take for example dinosaurs. They were there, ready to become big time action movie stars but their lives were cut short before movies could be invented. Chocolate on the other hand is very resilient to evolution. Chocolate happened and the most evolving it did was become more chocolatey. And that’s how it took over the world one teeth at a time.
So what are we talking about again? Potty training. Bear with me as I show a connection between dinosaurs, chocolate and potty training.
It’s all about evolution. Everything in life goes through some change. It explains why Justin Bieber was born a boy but looked like a girl and now looks like a boy again. So change is apparently good. Potty training is all about change and change for the better.
Parents know that the most trying time bringing up a child is the one right after they are born. And nothing is worse than a child needing constant change, by which I mean potty cleanup. Movies will show how children just grow up without ever having a diaper disaster. Comedy movies will show how everything stinks, and yet parents still magically survive. Real life is a bit like the comedies, smelly, disastrous but difference being it happens a lot more. Sometimes several times a day.
Diaper changes, if you’re lucky it’s in a diaper, is one of the many things modern parents fake headaches and illness over. ‘Oh honey, I’m coming down with a fever and dying in a few minutes, could you please clean the baby so he doesn’t grow up all smelly and parentless?”
But then, there comes the sweet, sweet day the child learns to tell you potty time is near instead of surprising you. It’s a joyful day for a celebration. Still, where’s the dinosaurs and chocolate mentioned earlier? Dinosaurs didn’t evolve, they never figured out how to go to a better location suitable for their survival. Potty training is all about going to a better location. And chocolate? Well, chocolate is what you use as reward and celebration that your kid finally learned to head for the toilet.
See, the survival of mankind is not being able to make electricity out of a potato; it’s dependent on potty training. Because once that happens, you know your kid is on the path to learn and take decisions. He or she can now head to a safe place to do the do-do. The difficult bit is over. Now all you have to do is just teach them everything else.