Published: Friday, April 5, 2013

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 29-year-old woman on the brink of a break down. I am going to be 30 next year and have achieved nothing in my life. I am not married, don’t even have a boyfriend, haven’t completed my education and don’t have a job in the field I love. I realise I have been lazy and now I am in a state of panic. How should I help myself? Is it too late to shape up my life? When will I have children? I worry that I never will as I will be too old by the time I am married. I feel like this is what they call a midlife crisis! What should I do? Help me!

mitaDear Crazy,
First of all, please calm down. There is absolutely no need to panic. 29 is not old at all to get married, get a good career or have children. Please look around you, young women all over the world are taking longer to get married. With advanced medical science women live longer, give birth later and have healthier lives than ever before. Having said that, 29 is a good age to think about settling down. In terms of your education and job, get a hold of yourself and just do it. If you need to complete your studies, get some additional training-just do it. Meanwhile, meet up with friends, look for a suitable match. Moreover, you can always think about arranged marriage where a set up is done and couples meet to decide. Come on, there are so many options for you, so don’t panic and instead do something about it!

Dear Mita,
I am a 19-year-old girl and I am in deep trouble. My boyfriend of four years broke up with me a few months ago for another girl. While that almost destroyed me, I found out something much worse. I am three months pregnant with his child. I consulted a doctor and she said an abortion will be difficult and dangerous for me. I tried to tell my ex about this but he refuses to believe the child is his and do the right thing by me and marry me. I don’t know how I will tell my parents. I have to drop out of university to raise my child and I know my baby and I will both be social outcasts if I am an unmarried mother. I even spoke to my ex’s current girlfriend and begged her to make him understand but she refuses to believe me too. My friends are acting like I have a contagious disease and have been avoiding me. I know I need to tell my parents but I just don’t know how to explain it to them. They are extremely conservative people and are not even aware I had a boyfriend. Please tell me what to do.
In Trouble

My Dear In Trouble,
This is very serious. Please tell your parents as soon as possible. However, disappointed, hurt and even devastated they might be, they are perhaps some of the only people who will stand beside you now. I must say, both of you have acted in a most irresponsible manner but unfortunately only you are paying for it. Consult a number of doctors. Take the advise of an older relative you trust perhaps, s/he will help in telling your parents. As for your ex boyfriend, he should be socially ostracised and not you. Talk to at least one sincere friend who will support you and take her help to make others understand that the responsibility for what has happened must be shared by both. I don’t know what else to say, I am very sorry that this has happened. I sincerely hope that you will be able to recover from this and go on with your life.