Published: Friday, May 31, 2013

Write to Mita

writeDear Mita,
I am 22 years old. I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost three years now. He is nice, decent, honest and basically everything that I like in a guy. But we broke up one month ago and in the mean time I have started to have feelings for another guy! Then a few months back my earlier boyfriend came back and now I am at a total loss. I really do not know which way to go. I mean the problem because of which I broke up with my boyfriend has been solved. But the problem is I cannot stop thinking about this other guy no matter how much I try. Although I know that this guy is not nearly as good as my boyfriend and has so many things that I hate, I still enjoy talking and spending time with him. Do you think I am in love with that guy or is it just an infatuation? Do you think this proves that my feelings for my boyfriend, was not strong enough to last for a lifetime? Because if it were then why would I ever fall for someone else in the first place? Please answer my questions. Another problem is, I have already told the other guy that I kind of like him. So, he in no way is willing to let me go. For the past few months I have gone through hell. The guilt is killing me, because I was never the kind of girl to fall in love with two guys at once. I am beginning to hate myself. I have lost my appetite, becoming sick and my studies are being hampered very badly. At times I even feel like killing myself for bringing this on me. Please help me out…please.
Confused

Dear Confused,
Please take a breath and relax. This is not the end of the world and certainly not a reason for suicide! At this age everyone goes through such confusion especially on matters relating to love and relationships. It is also natural that you will develop feelings for others when you break up with one. This does not make you “that kind of a girl” However, you have to now think back and reflect on what kind of a life partner you want. Who makes you happy, comfortable and at the same time, respects you for who you are, appreciates you and will support you in difficult times. I know this is a very tall order. But if you are thinking of a relationship that will last a life time then you have to consider these factors. To answer to your question whether your feelings was not strong enough in the first place is yes, perhaps it was not that strong, but that is also natural. You were only 20 and it is not expected that you had all the answers. Please do not blame yourself, there is nothing wrong with you, and don’t get black mailed into “he will not let me go”, that is not a reason to continue a relationship.

Dear Mita,
I am a single man in my thirties and have gone through a very difficult relationship. Ultimately we broke up as we could not resolve our differences. Now I am in no frame of mind to have a serious relationship. I have just met a woman at a party and am very interested in taking her out. She seems interested too. But the thing is that I don’t want it to become serious so am a bit hesitant. I really don’t think I can fall in love so quickly. Should I just refrain from taking this further or should I go ahead?
Lonely

Dear Lonely,
Taking a woman out does not mean you are making a commitment to her. Since you are recovering from a difficult relationship, this is all the more reason to meet women and start to think about taking it further. No body is asking you to become serious, perhaps the woman is also not interested in anything more than a dinner out, so relax and take her out for an evening, who knows?

Dear Mita,
I am appearing for my A Levels this year as are many of my friends. Most of my friends are quite decided on what they want to study when they go to university. They even have their university picked out and are clear about what they want to do in terms of career. But I am not at all clear about this. I seem to be the only one who hasn’t already applied to university. I find all this a little overwhelming. Is there a guidance counsellor who can help me out in terms of how to go about this? My parents want to help but I think they are also as clueless as I am.
Clueless

Dear Clueless,
There used to be a Guidance Counselling Services at the USIS, please find out if that still exists. Otherwise talk to you friends, their older siblings, relatives who have applied before. I am sure you will find someone who will help you. Most importantly do well in your A levels exams, all opportunities will open up if you excel in your exams.