Many years ago, when the death penalty by hanging was still in vogue, a doctor was giving evidence before a judge who had already heard contrary evidence from other doctors. The judge asked the doctor if he was sure of his testimony in light of the evidence from the other doctors.
"I am quite certain, my lord," said the doctor.
"Doctors sometimes make mistakes," said the judge.
"Lawyers do too, my lord," came the retort from the witness.
"Ahh, but doctors' mistakes are buried," answered the judge.
"That is true, my lord, but lawyers' mistakes frequently swing!"
An American judge gave a horse thief a stiff and long prison term; ten years of hard labour.
"Have you got anything to say before you are removed," asked the judge.
"Nothin', jedge, 'cept that yer pretty darn liberal with other people's time!"
One judge became frustrated with a lawyer's arguments and he pointed to one of his ears and then to the other and said: "what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."
"My lord," replied the lawyer, "I do not doubt it. What is there to prevent it?!"
"Your lordship," pleaded a witness. "You may or may not believe me but I have told the truth. I have been wedded to truth since infancy."
"Yes," replied the judge, "But how long have you been a widower?"
The French Emperor Napoleon commissioned the Napoleonic legal code of which he was proud.
"My code is the sheet anchor which will save France," he claimed. "And it will entitle me to the benedictions of posterity."
But Napoleon did not really like lawyers. He once said, "the practice of the law is too severe an ordeal for poor human nature. The man who habituates himself to the distortion of the truth, and to exultation at the success of injustice will, at last, hardly know right from wrong."