Home   |  Issues  |  The Daily Star Home | Volume 1, Issue 5, Tuesday July 1, 2003






































the play of fire and ice

WHEN a man and a woman like each other, even for a moment, the way they feel they smile, they look at each other… it may be an incident of a few moments only yet the experience can still be so intoxicating and delightful, probably nothing in the whole world can beat it. People call it flirting - it is actually a light-hearted casual way of complimenting or acknowledging the fellow humans living with you on this earth.

First of all, it is absolutely necessary to clear up a very frustrating misconception about flirting: it may be used on a regular basis without the sole purpose of finding a date or a mate. Flirting is fun, it's healthy, and it's one of the greatest skills you will ever learn!

Flirting is a form of communication that shows appreciation, attraction, and/or interest. It is of the moment and should be offered WITHOUT long-term goals! When you flirt, have only flirting in mind. Don't think about what it could turn into, because you should flirt for the enjoyment of putting your positive feelings out there for someone to enjoy. Flirting should be genuine and sincere, not flighty and irresponsible. The ability to flirt is the ability to take control of yourself and have an impact on the world! It can't be stressed enough that flirting is to make someone else feel good about themselves. When properly achieved, it is healthy, enjoyable, and refreshing for both people involved.

Now the greatest question is "How do you flirt?" It can be put in just two big words: EYE CONTACT! It is the absolute most important part of flirting! Make eye contact, glance away on occasion - this is very important because otherwise you'll appear to be staring. Once you've established eye contact, smile. REALLY smile - not the little grin you offer your teacher when you hand in a test - offer a heartfelt smile. A smile is the primary form of non-verbal flirting!

You can flirt in the streets, in shopping complexes, in the elevators, in the office; practically anytime anywhere under the sun. You can do it while waiting for your fiancée, while not waiting for your fiancé
e, and fearlessly if you do not have a fiancée. This is a twenty-four hours game, just go on and on, always in the present continuous.

Probably what makes flirting more playful is that you need not talk or make promises instead just use your eyes or that sweet smile to let this other one, (it can be someone you have never known, never seen and will never meet again,) know that s/he exists and you've managed to notice how pleasant his/her existence is.

And isn't it wonderful that you are literally free to do this with anybody with your teacher, with your teacher's spouse, with your cousin, with your cousin's cousin, with cousin's, cousin's sister. Simply anyone you want to compliment. Even the beautiful smell of an unknown person may trigger you. This is nature's design. And you have every right to show your appreciation with little harmless gestures, as attraction has no boundary. It cannot have a boundary.

The cause of flirting differs from person to person depending on time, space and situation. But that's on the periphery, at the core there lies nothing but pure attraction. This is so powerful that it tends to defy every custom society has made so far. Attraction is a strange chemistry. And flirting is the gateway to the diverse celebrations of this beautiful phenomenon.

You may disagree, but flirting is still the master key to the door of love. It always was.

Yet some little sessions of meaningful flirting are a must for every long-term relation. Flirting is the spice when you cook if love is the food for your heart.

And if you are not looking for a life-partner right now and you are on a lifelong pilgrimage (at least for the time being), or you are in love with love; there is no other choice than flirting. You must utilise every opportunity you get. Please never feel guilty if succeeding in this business.
On the rocks

Welcome to the club of soul charmers/ hunters
If you want to flirt around successfully, a single decision can make it happen that you want to flirt. That's it.
But we must accept the fact that like every other art form, flirting consists mainly of two types of performers (it is basically a performing art, always on stage): the genius and the self taught.

But, whichever category you belong to, practice is a must.

Now, flirting can be with or without goals. Girls often flirt without goals; something like art for art's sake you may say, and it is primarily their sector. For most of the men the story is rather different. They flirt for a cause.
Now goal or no goal, entrance to this 'strange gravity zone' requires some basic skills and anyone who is willing to feel the buzz, at least for once, must be aware of them though there are no hard and fast rules for flirting (as every individual is different so their style of flirting will certainly differ).

Eyes that speak: One glance can be enough. So make eye contacts with someone you know and you don't.
Looking and flirting with your eyes are two different things. Just looking at someone may sometimes be enough for a girl, but for men it's different, you have really got to look at her. If you have made eye contact, smile. Don't be ashamed. Relish you playfulness.

Wear a pleasant attitude (it is far more important than wearing outfits in vogue).

Flatter. Flattery is to flirting what a match is to dynamite. Explosive. So refine the power of flattery.
No matter what you think, to be a great flirt it's not necessary to be devastatingly attractive, rich, smooth, or good at batting your eyelashes. To master the fine art of flirting, it is essential that you begin with reasonable expectations and have a carefree heart.

By Anam Biswas

Disclaimer: If by reading this you decide you want to flirt, it should be your own spontaneous decision that is not be influenced by our gibberish jargon.

Photo: Zahedul I. Khan
Model: Nasira



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