|Home | Issues | The Daily Star Home | Volume 1, Issue 41, Tuesday March 16, 2004|
Nasreen Sattar, Head of International Sales, Standard Chartered Bank
Q.Mr. X issued a bearer cheque to Mr. Y for Tk1-lac drawn on a particular bank. Mr. Y presented the cheque to the bank that issued a token to him getting his signature on the back of the cheque. As Mr. Y had another work to do, so he left the bank but unfortunately on the way he had an accident and lost his leg. He sent another man Mr.Z with the token to the bank to collect the money. The bank became suspicious and refused to pay the money to Mr. Z on behalf of Mr.Y.
Is the bank justified in refusing the payment or the bank should have paid the amount against receipt of the token from Mr.Z? A clear-cut decision is solicited.
A. The bank is justified in refusing the payment as when Mr.Z (who was given the token by Mr. Y) presented the token, the bank must have asked him to sign on the back of the cheque again which is the practice to verify whether the earlier signature on the cheque (signed by Mr. Y) was the same as this one.
Q. I need to urgently take an overdraft facility from a bank. I have 10 Lac worth of Sanchaya Patras, can I use this as security and if not what are my other options?
As per the Bangladesh Bank circular dated 31.12.03 Ref : FRTMD(PDS)
Interpreter of Maladies
Dr. Nighat Ara, Psychiatrist
Q. My father recently passed away. I myself am very depressed. What makes me more sad is the condition of my 7 year old daughter. She was very close to my dad. When he died she took part in all the religious affair like an adult. She does not express herself in any extreme way but I think she is gradually slipping away from her studies. She is becoming very quiet. It is not like her. She is very young. I do not want this to effect her life afterwards. Please advise.
Ans: Dying is an integral part of life but quite frequently we find it extremely difficult to handle. We tend to see death as a dreaded issue and try to avoid it in all possible ways. Death of a loved one reminds us, we all will die- it is only a matter of time. Death is part of human existence, of growth and development, as being born. Your depressed feelings are very appropriate and an essential component of healthy grieving process. Your daughter's participation in all religious functions is appreciable and it will provide her the strength to recover from the loss. However, children's reaction to death differs widely. Death is not a permanent fact for three to five years old children and they tend to believe that the deceased is on a temporary trip to somewhere else and will be back again. After age five, children imagine death as a horrific man or power that snatches away the beloved one and believe it as the result of an outward intervention. Realistic concept that death is a permanent biological process seems to kick in by age nine. So, your seven-year-old daughter is still probably struggling to understand what has happened to her grandpa. Her silent withdrawal and inability to concentrate in her schoolwork could be signs of her emotional turmoil. Encourage her to talk freely about her feelings even if it is anger towards you, the deceased, or Allah. As from a religious point of view, when we tell our children that death occurs as a result of an order from a Higher power (Allah, Bhogoban, God- whoever S/He is), it would be interesting to explore how that little mind is processing that piece of information. Children of this age group can not even differentiate between wish and deed. They sometimes hold themselves responsible for killing the person by secretly wishing so and feels guilty about it. They also fear impending gruesome punishment for their secret thoughts. Their understanding allows them to believe that they have somehow played a pivotal role in all these occurrences. Thoughts of burial and what happens to this body inside there are other sources of fear. Children imagine it in terms of bruise or cut they had suffered when they fell down from a bike or so. Try to clarify her understanding as best as you can. Some children of this age group are by nature quiet and reflective. They need to discover the fun of learning and of school, they are usually very sensitive about how they are treated by others. Whatever be the underlying reason, allow her to ventilate, show that you understand her. Discuss more freely about death and after life in a comforting way.
Q.3. My sister got divorced a year ago. It was an affair marriage. She is now 28. All our family members think that it is time to move on. My father is looking for some one new for her. One of our cousins is interested in her. The problem is she will not get involve with anyone anymore. She feels betrayed. We are trying to make her understand that she is very young and has all her life ahead. Some how we failed to impress her enough to meet any new suitors. She needs to understand that when she is middle aged she will feel lonely. At least that is how we feel. Can you help us? Thank you.
Your sister got divorced only a year ago. It seems that she is yet not
ready to be in another relationship right now. I believe when she says
"no", she means no. Normally people need variable length of
time to grieve and mourn the loss in order to finally let it go. Studies
show that, first few months after divorce are usually more difficult
and by the end of a year these emotions gradually get levelled off.
You have mentioned that she feels betrayed by her ex, feelings of betrayal
are usually associated with anger, resentment and sadness. Her trust
in men could be threatened by her past experience. If your sister moves
into another relationship suppressing all those emotions, it could be
disastrous for the next marriage too. Though it is my personal opinion
only, I don't think it is fair on your cousin to make him a victim of
this situation. I'm not clear what make you think that marriage has
to be the first step to move on with life again. In our social context,
marriage gives a woman- a confiding relationship, financial and social
security, home, sex, children etc. How many marriages are devoid of
these basic properties? Besides, most of these are achievable even without
a wed lock though it has to be congruent with the beliefs, values and
attitudes of the person concerned. Is your sister asking for advice?
I doubt whether advice is going to work on her, she 'll do what she
wants to do. She is probably experiencing an emotional roller coaster
after her affair marriage ended in divorce. Instead of insisting on
remarriage, I guess your sister may try another option of self-care,
self-love and self-development. Enjoying the freedom of a single life
and being the queen of her own world are lucrative alternatives. She
is only 28years old, she can expect at least 15 more years of her reproductive
life to go. Loneliness is a very personal experience, while you are
feeling scared others may embrace it gladly. We can feel lonely even
in the midst of a crowd, as a mother of ten children and so on. Ask
your sister how lonely she felt in her previous marriage. Hopefully,
your sister will get back her spirit to love another man in future (if
your cousin is romantic enough, he can wait and try then!). I couldn't
understand, who needs advice? Do you want to explore your anxiety around
your sister? In our collective society, sometimes people develop a desire
to be an emotional care taker of another person and our social attitude
also expect us to take up that role. We forget that we have limitations
and can not overstretch ourselves. Social stigma, "poor you!"
attitude of others towards a divorcee, shame and blame on the family
and sense of insecurity- all these are great challenges for the family
members to overcome. If you have anxieties around those issues, then
these are your stuff. Deal with it effectively without displacing it
on your sister. Be supportive to her and let her know that you'll care
for her regardless her decision to get married again or not.
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