apples and trial
THE entire creation started off with love. The creator modeled humans
in his image coming up with Adam and Eve. He created them with love
and gave them a heavenly place to live in that had the good stuff
as well as the necessary evils.
are many twists to the tale but probably a snaky (or sneaky) salesman
sold Eve an apple peeler. Adam suggested, "Well, what's the point
of having an apple peeler if you don't peel apples?"
off they went to the forbidden tree in the forbidden garden to have
a forbidden apple. And the price of such forbidden trespass was that
they were sent to earth where they would have gardens that other people
would trespass into. That would teach them a lesson. Basically, love
can come up with a lot of good things as well as get you into a heap
load of trouble. Seems like love itself has trespassed into everything.
Just look around and you will see traces in literature, history, music
and day to day life activities. It adds depth to the instances of
pain and happiness. Without love everything would be empty and meaningless
much like an apple pie without the filling.
comes in different forms such as the platonic where it's more like
window shopping for apples. You look but don't bite. Then there is
the physical love or better known as lust. And finally there's the
type that many yearn for but few find. True love encompasses all that
is good wiping away any opposing factors like money, wealth, riches,
bank balances and big diamond rings. So, money is a big thing but
love also looks beyond other problems like body weight, in-laws, height
and hair (too much or too little). A man and a woman (and other possible
couple combinations) look at each other, fall in love and in many
cases want to spend eternity together. Of course, eternity could have
different time spans for different folks.
In the ages past we have seen wars being fought for the love of a
person. There are tales of people throwing aside religion, culture
and royal riches for love. During the Renaissance the term blind love
evolved where you loved for nothing else except just wanting to love.
It was more like love at first sight where you don't know anything
about someone else but fall nevertheless. In our culture love and
romanticism had a special ritual. A boy and a girl would exchange
letters and handkerchiefs (without blowing their noses on them).
girl would pace apprehensively near the window or balcony while her
guy would be out on the streets waiting for a glimpse. Of course,
the parents would eventually find out and in most cases the girl would
be married off somewhere else while the boy gets a thorough introduction
to physical pain through fists and sticks. Sometimes the couple would
sneak out to get married. Marriage seemed to be the culmination of
all the love and accompanying pain.
for true love
Western cultures are now sneaking their way (like the snaky apple
peeler salesman) into all other cultures. Ours is no different. Love
seems to have less depth of feeling now. When a person falls in love
he/she looks for dependability in the other person. People now spend
a lot more time to look for the elusive true love. As a result the
notion of culmination of an affair into marriage has changed drastically.
Blind love has given way to a more slow and cogitative approach.
love starts off mainly from acquaintances be it a friend, classmate
or colleague. It evolves to a deeper relationship that does not necessarily
lead to marriage. The head rules over the heart in a love where there
is a lack of empathy and understanding. People keep searching.
In this millennium age the sneaky west again leads the way with mutual
attraction leading to love which leads not to marriage but to a phenomenon
known as living together. Loving till eternity has given way to love
till something comes up. Some believe that staying together in a marriage
for so long leads to boredom and insanity. It's like having apples
all day, everyday, forever. Others feel that living together gives
them an opportunity to figure out what the other person is like. It's
more like a trial version marriage where you give it a shot for a
certain period and then get a new version. Sounds cold but that's
want someone with a similar mindset to help them go through life.
They want to face lifes troubles together. So why bother with all
the complicacies of a marriage and legal paperwork?
can happen in marriage and it can fall apart. It seems easier to live
with someone for a period rather than marry over and over. After all,
very few people want to emulate actress Liz Taylor's record of eleven
marriages. On the other hand few want to spend 40 years in marriage
like Nelson and Winnie Mandela just to separate in old age and start
all over again.
In almost all the societies there is the act of going against the
norm of marriage. In the west it's an open fact. People even announce
over parties that they plan to live together. After all, it has all
the needs of trust, reliability and care that a person can expect
from a companion. In theory it leaves out manipulation or physical
and mental torture. It's so much easier to walk out of.
a different story in our society where social norms look down upon
such behavior. Despite that many people are still living together,
albeit in secrecy. In most cases the couples have to leave friends
and family just to be together on their own. Couples hide it fearing
what others have to say.
Take for example the case of Mithila. She worked at a private bank
as a chartered accountant. During her college years her family fixed
her marriage to a friend of her brothers called Nafis. Because the
two families were so close it took little time for the couple to get
close. In fact, they were together all the time even going on trips
for shopping and spending all day together. At times, Mithila even
stayed over at her future in-laws house.
the only daughter, Mithila was of a rebellious character. She pretty
much got her way. Nafis was her opposite, preferring to lead life
quietly and believed somewhat in the traditional ways. Mithila would
go out at any time with her friends for dinner or simply hanging out.
Nafis did not like this feeling she should not go out just like that
without him or without his permission. The girl did not like this
possessive attitude one bit.
relationship ended with Mithila moving on to work elsewhere. There
she meets Abed. To make a long story short they met, met some more
and liked what they saw. Abed lived a single life in a flat. Mithila
moved in and they have been together for three years. In their words,
they don't want to ruin their relationship by tying it up in a word
called marriage. They don't want to remain tied down when just because
of a legal agreement if and when things go bad. They say the trust,
love and mutual understanding is all there right now as is.
man and a woman sometimes have a strong magnetism that makes them
want to be with each other al the time. When it starts to fade a little
the anxiety goes up. Love becomes a fleeting moment. In other words
there is no such thing as true love or so some believe.
to be free
Tania worked hard as looking after the family fell on her shoulders.
As a result when it was time for her to get married no one really
noticed. She was busy and so was everyone else. Besides, Tania herself
did not consider marriage a viable option. According to her, too many
couples were getting married in the morning, fighting in the afternoon
and getting divorcing by evening.
earned a good job that required attending many seminars and workshops.
In one of these she met Rubel. It was love at first sight as her attitude
won him over. He also agreed to her views on marriage. They wanted
to live life as lovers and not as husband and wife. Having passed
40 they feel life is to be lived as wished.
interesting thing is that they work great distances apart. One is
in Dhaka while the other works in Chittagong. Whenever they feel they
head off to each other and spend some time together. For them it is
like Rabindranaths fable of Amit and Labanya. Their love has no boundaries.
love also deals with trust and security. Marriage is a sacred tie.
Insecurity about the partners feelings can lead to all kinds of trouble.
This is the basis for another couples logic supporting living together.
They believe that insecurity would ruin the sacred veneer of marriage.
Rumi and Saif are in a two year relationship where they plan to live
together in the near future. This way one cannot dictate over the
other regarding chores and personal wishes. Ego is the prime mover
and shaker here. In our society male chauvinism is prevalent and women
are supposed to bow down to men. According to the couple they can
prevent this by living together.
Different people analyze and define their relationships differently.
From the viewpoint of law and religion, living together can be a crime
or at the least, disagreeable. Arguments are there for both sides.
There are those reading this article thinking such an issue is ugly
and disgusting. But then again there are many ugly things happening
under the cloak of marriage. There are people who change lovers every
day. Marriage does not stop them, what with extra marital affairs.
Is it better than living together?
may be the case, this phenomenon is starting to sneak its way in.
In this day and age love is measured like a commodity and only then
it is decided where and how to keep it. The new generation will gradually
swallow this as they do everything else. Whether this issue is a bad
apple or not is yet to be seen.
Translated by Ehsanur Raza Ronnyn