The devil’s day out
The devil wakes up, yawns a hot garlic laced yawn and decides he needs a break. After all there is only so much evil you can do. It is an auspicious day for him considering that the date basically spells out his name: 666. That's what the humans from the planet earth have bestowed upon him.
It's not really his name or number. He prefers '3' because everything worth numbering has three attached to it. There's the three little pigs, three bears, three wise men, three witches in Macbeth, three wishes from genie and more importantly three pointy parts o his anatomy. As for the number six, many years ago in a drunken fit he stumbled out of his bath stark naked. He ran down the streets shouting “eureka” because he had discovered a new way to introduce evil into the world. He did that a lot shocking the town of 665 residences into mind numbing oblivion. You see, he lived in the last house at the edge of the town numbered 666. The townspeople called him the 'streaker from 666' until they beheaded him a few years later.
It's a catchy name he thought as he contemplated the schedule for the day. It mostly involved giving newcomers to hell a very warm welcome.
“Nah! It can wait.”
He got into his latest toy. It was a gas guzzling, rather pointless bright red sport utility vehicle named Hummer. He had it modified to fly as well as play rap music with explicit lyrics (his personal contribution to the world of music).
Entering the earth's atmosphere was smooth as he picked a nice little hole in the ozone. Ages ago he invented something called CFC that was used to make aerosol spray cans. It made people rich, greedy and destructive allowing juveniles to deface public property.
He glided over the nations wondering where he could have the most fun. He was in the mood for a little sightseeing and was wondering whether to go to the land with the stupidest president or find a country with weapons of mass destruction. Either way he could incite a whole new wave of suffering. Then he remembered: been there, done that.
That is when he remembered a pet project that was started a few hundred years ago. The project has matured and in the past five years has been winning top spot in the annual 'Most Corrupt Nation' category. The devil directed his navigation system to take him to Bangladesh.
The first thing the devil noticed was all the other Hummers on the street beside his. These people are supposed to be poor, he wondered. How do they afford these?
Thanks to a recent invention where illegally acquired money can be cleaned up by law, people can now showoff their hard earned black money.
These people have brains, admitted the devil.
He stopped in a place called Farmgate. He turned off the heater and stepped out of the air continued vehicle only to meet a blast of heat similar to his home in the skies. Feels just like home he mumbled as he was being mobbed by a bunch of pesky hawkers trying to sell him all kinds of stuff thinking he was a foreigner with red sun burnt skin. He picked a delicious looking piece of fried meat from a hawker wearing a t-shirt that read 'City Corporation Animal Control'.
Best hot dog you can have, sir. It's the real thing, assured the hawker.
The devil put his hand in his pocket only to realize it has been picked deftly by a gang. While he was wondering if the hawker would accept a two day 'Get Out of Hell' pass, the man scampered off. Apparently a bigger evil was approaching and the hawker fled in fear. The devil observed how a man trailed by police came by, entered food shops and exited with pockets full of money. Extortion is an old trick he thought until it dawned on him that these people actually found a way to extort money legally. They called themselves the mobile court. They just walk around fining people and its all ok by law. Now that's smart.
A deep grumbling in his stomach made the devil realize he could not observe any longer. The Real Halal Hot Dog did not agree with his stomach lining. The man in red ran to find a public toilet and what met his eyes was a sight not even the grossest Hollywood movie could replicate. Filth was everywhere even on the ceiling. The stench was so strong it carved its initials on the wall. I have got to have this setup in my torture chambers in hell, he thought in admiration. Of course, just like everyone else he avoided the toilet and did his business in a drain by the side of the road. Toilet paper was scarce but he noticed a copy of Lifestyle magazine lying around with his picture on the cover. Somebody wrote about him and the devil had to meet the writer.
He went back to his Hummer and noticed that the lights and the door mirrors were stolen. With a shrug he headed toward the newspaper office to meet the writer of the article. Upon meeting, the devil realized the writer practiced the seven deadly sins a lot. He was lazy, wanted more money, lusted after cars, killed a lot of slow moving pedestrian and ate too much. Heck, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
By Ehsanur Raza Ronny
1.5 cups rice (washed and soaked) 1 table spoon Bengal gram, 3 red chilies, 1 tea spoon mustard, 15 curry leaves, salt to taste, 2 cups grated coconut, 1 table spoon black gram, 3 green chilies, 12 cashewnuts (chopped into quarters) 3 table spoons oil, oil for frying ¼ teaspoon a safoetida.
Wash rice and place in a pan with a cups of writer when cooked, spread the rice ion a large plate or tray and allow to cool grate coconut and break red and green chilies into two heat oil in a frying pan, add mustard. When mustard splutters, add chilies, a safoetida, black gram, Bengal gram and cashew nuts. Fry until cashew nuts turn a golden brown. Add carry leaves, fry for a few minutes and remove from fire. Fry coconut until it turn light brown colour. Add coconut, fried ingredients and salt to rice Mix well and serve at room temperature.
1 Cup rice, 1 cup minced meat 1 piece ginger, 10 cloves garlic 3 onions (thinly slice), 3 Tomatoes, 5 cardamoms powder, 2 sticks cinnamon, 4 cloves, 2 green chilies, 2 lime, ¼ teaspoon turmeric, ¼ teaspoon sugar, 1 tablespoon butter, 6 tablespoons oil ½ teaspoon chili power, salt to taste, onions rings and chopped coriander (for garnishing)
Wash and soak rice for 2 hours. Heat oil. Fry cloves and cinnamon. Add timely chop onions and halve the green chilies, brush ginger and garlic. Fry these until brown. Add tomatoes, salt, sugar, turmeric and chilli powder. Then add minced meat. Fry for 10 minutes. Add not water and cook till the mince is cooked dry. Drain rice and add it with twice the amount of water on the mince. Add limejuice and cook till done. Add the butter and cardamom powder. Garnish with coriander and fried onion ring.