Pangs of Old Age
Mom Taught Me...
My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing
and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your
spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think
that I know when you're cold?"
taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking?
Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me."
taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up.
taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your
taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born
in a barn?"
taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to
be my age, you will understand."
taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your
father gets home."
taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it
when we get home."
my all-time favourite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll
see what it's like!"
reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years.
The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what
her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no,
she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he
got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he
admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage
"Oh," she said, "I'm so glad you called.
I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember
who it was."
because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow
in the neighbouring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son,
"Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs.
A few minutes later, Timmy returned.
"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"
"She's fine, except that she's angry at you."
"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"
"She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'"
doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and
The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad
"You have Alzheimer's disease."
"Good heavens! What's the good news?"
"You can go home and forget about it!"