Mirror on the wall
were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were
talking about the amount of control they had over their
wives, while the third remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turned to the third
and said, “Well, what about you? What sort of control
do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow said, “I'll tell you. Just the other
night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed. “Wow! What happened
then?” they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed
and uttered, “She said, 'Get out from under the bed
and fight like a man.'”
woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried
and all strung out. She rattled off: “Doctor, take a
look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at
myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled
up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were
bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like
look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looked her over for a couple of minutes,
then calmly said, “Well, I can tell you that there ain't
nothing wrong with your eyesight...”
was having a tough day and had stretched herself out
on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved
complaining and self- pitying.
She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me
... the whole world hates me!”
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly
looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word:
“That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know
man who had been in a mental home for some years finally
seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought
he might be released. The head of the institution, in
a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview
“Tell me,” he said, “if we release you, as we are considering
doing, what do you intend to do with your life?”
The inmate said, “It would be wonderful to get back
to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from
making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist,
you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons
research that helped put me here. If I am released,
I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where
I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.”
“Marvelous,” said the head of the institution.
“Or else,” ruminated the inmate, “I might teach. There
is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing
up a new generation of scientists.”
“Absolutely,” said the head.
“Then again, I might write. There is considerable need
for books on science for the general public. Or I might
even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine
“An interesting possibility,” said the head.
“And finally, if none of these things appeal to me,
I can always continue to be a teakettle.”
Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense
to be lazy.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who
haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the