<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 112 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

July 4, 2003

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Dear Mita,
I just graduated last year and my problem is my mother. I'm not the ideal child to her. She always scolds me and tells me what to do and never lets me do what I want. She is very conservative and does not allow me to go out alone with my friends. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong. I tried talking to her but she says I'm wrong. I'm losing confidence in my interactions with others. A few years ago I even tried to do whatever she asked me to but it still wasn't appreciated so, frustrated, I gave up. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her, but I can't go on like this. I tried talking to my friends and relatives about this but no one has been able to help and it's getting worse day by day. She gets angry with me for the most trivial things. I'm very confused and lost and bored of life. I'm rather soft at heart and don't like going against my elders. But I'm beginning to have a love-hate relationship with my mother -- loving her but at the same time storing up all this anger and frustration within me which I'm afraid may just one day burst out.
--Bad Child

Dear Child (I do not want to call you “bad child”)

Obviously communications between you and your mother has deteriorated to the extent that you both are not listening to each other. You will have to try and establish some kind of communications which might not be the best but at least some way to talk to each other. You could also try to talk to her when she is in a better mood after all she cannot be angry all the time. Perhaps she is going through a bad time, it might be a good idea to find out what she wants, her wishes and needs. Often we take the role of our mothers as granted tend to forget that they have their own frustrations. Often in their effort to do the best for the family they become over protective and lose the support of the family. I do not think your case is hopeless, please try to be patient and work towards restablishing communications with your mother.


Dear Mita,
I'm a 22-year-old student of IBA, DU. When I was in Class 10, I fell in love with a girl from my batch. I spoke to her only once and was very nervous and felt almost sick. I met her a few times after that but she never spoke to me again and I haven't been in touch with her since then. I know love can't be one-sided, but I can't stop loving her and can't bear the thought of her being someone else's. I feel like I will love her until doomsday. I feel extremely helpless and dejected. Please help.

Dear Nervous,
You seem to be in love with an idea than the real person. She is not real nor is she the same person you met when you were in class 10. People change especially at this growing age from class nine to university. You have also changed but perhaps you want to cling on to a feeling you had many years ago. If you met her now you will be surprised to find a very different person. In fact you might not be interested in her anymore. On the other hand, she does not even know of your feelings leave alone be interested in you. I hate to disappoint you but this is really hopeless. Please get a grip of yourself and face the real world.


Dear Mita,
I'm in love with a guy who also loves me very much. Could you please tell me the legal way to get married?

Dear R,
The legal way to get married is first to make sure that you are of the right and legal age to get married. It is 18 for women and 21 for men. It is always better to take consent of your parents and guardians. If they refuse to give consent then it is legal to go to the marriage registrar with a witness and get married.
I would like to add that just because you both think you are in love is not enough. Please give this careful thought before you get married because marriage is serious business. Once you do it you cannot just wish it away.



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