<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 123 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

September 19, 2003

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Dear Mita,
I have been happily married for four years. I live with my in-laws who are modern and love me very much. My husband promised me, before we got married, that we would start living in a separate house after six months but he has forgotten all that. Now I want to live in a house of my own. I love and respect my in-laws but staying with them all the time makes me lose my independence and ability to take household decisions. Can you please suggest how to do it? I have talked to my husband several times but he turns a deaf ear. My in-laws understand this but they don't say anything either. Please help me.

Dear Stuck,
While I understand your predicament, I advise you to be a little more patient. You can of course say that you have already been patient for four years, which is true. However, relationships are very precious and have to be handled with care. You have the right to want your own home, but at the same time if this desire jeopardizes your relationship with your in-laws or with your husband you will have to think if it was worth it. I hope you have also taken into consideration the additional expenses this move will incur. You should seriously talk with your husband and make him understand how serious you are. The other option might be talking with your mother-in-law if you are close enough with her. Whatever, you do, do it in a way that does not strain your relationship with your husband.

Dear Mita,
I'm 23 years old and am growing bald. People tell me that I won't be able to get married because girls will be repelled by my baldness. I have tried things to stop my baldness but I don't know what will work. Will girls really avoid me because of this and I won't be able to marry?
--Going Bald

Dear Bald,
aldness in young people even your age is becoming common. I cannot say if girls will decline to marry you or not but you must at least try to prevent this. Please see a skin specialist who might recommend remedies. Certain beauty parlours offer advice on how to prevent loss of hair. You must also monitor your stress level because that is also a cause of hair loss. To answer your question on marriage. Women look for sincere, honest and intelligent people to marry. Though physical attractiveness is a factor, it is not the most important factor for women.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 15-year-old girl in Class 10 at an English medium school. I will appear for my O'Levels in 2005. One of my classmates does not have a private tutor for one of her courses which will make it very difficult for her to do well in the exam. But her parents won't allow her to have a private tutor and simply told her to stay home and study properly. She told me this one day while crying and I tried to make her understand that she needs a tutor but she also told me that her parents wouldn't understand this. Her parents have financial problems but so do mine -- they don't let me feel the problem. Is there anything I can do to help her as a friend?

Dear X,
Your friend is lucky to have someone who is so concerned about her welfare. However, I really do not know how you can help. This is a family matter and your friend's parents might not appreciate outside interference. What you can do is help with her studies such as sharing the lessons you get from your tutor or planning to study together. If your tutor comes to your house maybe she can join you for certain days. Perhaps her school teacher should talk to her parents -- perhaps then they might understand.


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