<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 127 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

October 17, 2003

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Dear Mita,
I'm a student of a renowned govt. medical college. I have a strange relationship with a niece of mine (she is not my direct niece). She is two years senior to me. We are friends and I love her, but I also realise I will not be able to make her mine. I have told her about my feelings for her and she said nothing. Her behaviour really confuses me. Sometimes it seems like she loves me and at other times it seems that she doesn't think of me in that way. Whenever I try to create distance between us she holds me back. We are still very good friends, but her mixed messages confuse me.
--In A Fix

Dear Fix,
She might be confused herself and therefore is reacting in this strange way. Perhaps she has some feelings for you but at the same time knows that this is not socially acceptable. These relationships often create misunderstanding and tension in the extended family and should be avoided if possible. I will advise you to remain friends and not take it any further.

Dear Mita,
I am a student of Class 12 and am in love with a girl in Class 10. We have known each other since childhood and are now in a relationship. Neither of our families knows about it. The problem is that her father is a barber and my family will never be able to accept her or her family. I really love the girl a lot and I really want to marry her. At the same time, I love my father too and do not want to cause them any pain. I know that my family is never going to accept our relationship. My father will be hurt and may even disinherit me. What do I do? I am stuck between my family and girlfriend.

Dear R,
A boy of class 12 and a girl of class 10 should not even think of such serious subjects as marriage or life-long relationships. This is your time for fun, for studies, for making and forming numerous relationships. It is also time for thinking about what you want to be when you are older, for planning for the future which might include choosing your life partner when the right time comes. I will not even go in the details of your family and their opposition to your choice. Any parent would be upset at the suggestion of marriage at this stage. Please take time to think this over. You do not have to break the relationship but put it in some perspective and not rush into anything.

Dear Mita,
I m a twenty-two-year old girl doing my BBA from NSU. I have never been in any relationship because I feel that these things always create problems. I have a friend who I am very close to. Although I have had feelings for him for two and a half years, I never told him because he was engaged to another girl for almost six years. I remained his best friend. Recently, he and his girlfriend broke up and he was devastated. I was there for him to give him support. It has now been four months since then and he has proposed to me. It's not that he just started feeling this way about me in last four months. I know that he liked me a lot from the very beginning. I said yes to him. But now I don't know whether I should continue this relationship because this is my first relationship and he was in a serious relationship for six years. I fear that he might not be able to love me the way I love him. Maybe in his mind he will always compare me to his ex. I do love him very much. He is perfect for me in every sense. But I don't know whether I should remain friends and wait for the right time, or take a chance. Please tell me what should I do?

Dear Confused,
If you think that he is perfect for you then I would say go for it. Yes, it is true that he was in a relationship and might even compare you with his ex. However, these things become unimportant in the face of a matured, adult relationship. The most important thing is that you both are totally open and frank with each other. You both must discuss all the reasons why you both are suited for each other. Often people fall in love when they are on the rebound or feel grateful for the support they might have received. While this can start a relationship, it is not enough to get into something serious as marriage. Please go through your feelings and base your relationship on more solid ground such as mutual respect, support and the willingness to be flexible.


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