<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 128 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

October 31, 2003

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Dear Mita,
I am a 20 year old girl living in Chittagong. My father passed away six years ago and I live alone with my mother and brother. I am in a relationship with my cousin and plan on marrying him. The problem is that my brother has a disease called hemophilia, for which my mother feels responsible because my parents were cousins. Marriage within my family is not an option because of repercussions it may have with our children. Although I love my cousin and want to marry him, I realise that my mother has a valid point and understand her fears and concerns. My cousin however, does not try to understand and continuously argues with my mother, telling her not to worry about his future generations. I am really confused and don't know which way to turn. Please give me a suggestion.

Dear Worried,
Marriage within the family does have medical implications. You should consult a doctor and take some required tests before you make up your mind. Your mother does have a valid point which should be respected. However, on the other hand there are many marriages between cousins which have not resulted in any physical problems for the next generation. It is better to be rational about this by taking the right professional help.

Dear Mita,
I am a student of agriculture and am in love with a friend of mine (who is in the medical school). I have never told her how I felt because we have been best friends for seven years. Recently, however, she proposed to me over the phone and I accepted. Twenty-one days later she told a friend of mine to tell me that she was no longer interested. I don't know what the reason is for her change of heart. Now I am in confusion and frustration. Please help me.
Frustrated R

Dear Frustrated,
You have every right to be frustrated and unhappy. However, something must have happened for her to change her mind so quickly. Either she has found something about you which she does not like or she is now interested in somebody else. In either case , you deserve an explanation and should have a frank talk with her. The telephone is not always the best means of communications, in this case you should meet and have an open discussion with her. In the event you find out that she is not really interested in you any more than you must try to accept it gracefully.

Dear Mita,
I am sixteen-years-old and am studying in a prominent institution and will be taking my O-level examinations shortly. I love a fourteen-year-old girl who has been living in the same premises as me for the last three years. I really love this girl deeply. I know it is a very tender age for this kind of stuff. But my love is not just an obsession. She is a very pretty girl and I can be called unattractive compared to her. I am afraid that she might deny if I propose her. At the same time I want her badly. I cannot do without her. If she refuses I would be in deep trouble as our families have good relationship. In other words, I am anxious about the consequences of her denial. I cannot wait longer and want to do something immediately. Please help me

Dear Puzzled,
You are right, both of you are too young to get into any serious relationship. You cannot compel a fourteen year old to agree to this kind of commitment. The question of her being pretty or you being unattractive is not relevant here. What is important is for you to understand that she is too young to agree to your proposal and you must be prepared for her denial because that is what she will probably do. Please do not get over anxious over such matters and put your mind into other things such as sports, friendships and studies. The more you think about such matters the more obsessed you will get. Therefore take it easy and let things go by for the time being.


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