Wealthy and Wise . . .
artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest
in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your
work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after
your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
A Tigers fan was
enjoying himself at the game in a packed stadium, until
he noticed an empty seat down in the front. He went down
and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never
missed a game since Akram Khan played, but now my wife is
fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad
that he couldn't find some relative to enjoy the game with.
no, I can." the guy replied. "It's just that they're
all at the funeral."
Little Poltu was
on a park bench stuffing a bunch of candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know
that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give
you acne, and make you sick?"
grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied poltu.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the
old lady retorted.
said Poltu, "but he minded his own freakin' business."
A guy was going on
an ocean cruise, and he told his doctor that he was worried
about getting seasick.
The doctor suggested, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes
before you leave the dock.''
The guy replied, ''Would that keep me from getting sick,
The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the
boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents,
"How was I born?"
"Well, Honey..." said the slightly prudish parent,
"the crow brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and
daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the crow brought us too."
"Well, how were grandpa and grandma born?" he
"Well, Darling, the crow brought them too!" said
the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher
who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to
the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in
my family for three generations."
and Khushi were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Khushi, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on
"Oh Khaled, why would you ask such a question now?
You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Khushi, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, three times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Khaled, remember when you were 35 years old
and you really wanted to start the business on your own
and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day
the bank president himself came over to the house and signed
the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Khushi, you did that for me! I respect you even
more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So,
when was number 2?"
"Well, two, remember when you had that last heart attack
and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no
surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. Harres came all
the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you
were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Khushi, I love that you should
do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have
a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really
love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really
wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17
votes short . . . ?"