The Thief of Baghdad
AGO: Caught on the airwaves near the Fenta-gon by one from our
very loveable Royal District. He craned his ears closer to the
#Hey Mac, how's life? Over.
## Mac here! Not bad at all. Over.
Are they playing cricket? That is some fast pace they are
maintaining. Could be, everything is fast here. This is one
game in which we can make the Americans nasta-nabood. Such thoughts
were crisscrossing his mind when alive again came his receiver.
# Not bad! How could you even say that? Have you not seen on
TV what's going on in Iraq? Over.
## You don't believe everything you see on TV, do ya? Over.
# But these are LIVE pictures, Mac! We are losing men every
day. That's bad, Mac. Over.
## How much would you say is bad? Over.
# How much? We lost nearly three hundred already in November,
Mac. That's bad and I am scared. Over.
## Don't be daft! We have this five-sided building all protected.
# It was protected then...
## When? Over
# Nine-eleven. Over.
Hatha-nera are not playing cricket. This is something more
serious. One of the two guys is scared; the other is arrogant.
That's fifty percent of Americans scared as compared with the
other half that is arrogant.
## But now we can detect any aircraft movement within a five-mile
# Aircraft? What if they come from underground? (Silence) I
wonder if that is what is taking them so long to strike again.
## Th.. the.. there is noth.. nothing to be sca.. scared of.
# Are you chilly down there? Over.
Our listening friend thinks to himself. After all this time
Bhai shaheb has spoken the truth. He is indeed very “chilly”,
that stupid stuck-up Yankee.
## I said there is nothing to be scared of. Over.
# You bet. Over.
## Even Iraq is safe. We have been made very welcome there by
the people whom we have liberated. They did not ask us to. But
we felt like doing them a favour. We have this favour-itch off
and on around the world. They pulled down statues of Saddam.
That was funny. (giggles) Over.
# If Iraq is safe, how are we losing men? The number is increasing
by the day. Over.
## Look you want to bet Iraq is safe or not? Over.
# Mac, I am not comfortable here. How can our men be safe there?
## Okay, maan. You are on. Over.
# What's the bet then? Over.
## I bet the president of the United States can go to Iraq and
## Hey maaan, are you there? Over.
# But, that.. that's never been done before. No pres...
## There is always a first time. Over.
#What's the plan then? Over.
## Look, the run down to the elections has begun. Now is the
right time for a major stunt. Over.
# When exactly? Over.
## The Thanksgiving Day, no night, is perfect. The darkness
will be necessary. Over.
# If it is that safe, why do you want the darkness? Over.
## I did not say it was one hundred percent safe. Did I? Over.
# What about the media? They are sure to know. Over.
## No way! We will release TV pictures showing him arriving
at some other place here in the States at the time he will be
actually landing in Baghdad. No one will suspect a thing. Over.
# But is not that lying? Over.
## Will it be the first time? Over.
## In fact we will announce his visit after his plane No.1 takes
off from Baghdad Airport. Over.
# Is it not risky? I heard they have rocket launchers. Over.
## That's precisely why he has to go under cover. Over.
# Will it not make the most powerful man in the world look like
a petty thief? Imagine entering a country stealthily and departing
## Since we are already being blamed for trying to steal the
Iraq oil, I see no harm. Over
# Will the president agree? Over.
## The way the opinion polls are going, he will do anything.
# What about the voters... Hey Mac! I think we are being bugged.
## Attention... attention all agents. A man from Sonagazi has
been listening to TOP SECRET .... CONFIDENTIAL ... RESTRICTED...kkzzzttttsssss..