<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 132 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

December 5, 2003

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Dear Mita,
Dear Shohag,I am twenty-four years old and studying Chartered Accountancy at ICAB. I live with my sister and brother--in--law. I'm in love with one of my neighbours -- a sweet girl even though I don't know her name. My feelings of romance encompass everything about her, even her hanging wet dresses on the roof. In my eyes, the whole building in which she lives in is like the abode of love. I want to ask for her hand in marriage but my fear is that she might get married to someone else! She comes from a highly educated family. So I feel that if I can pass the CA exam it would not be a problem to offer her marriage. On the other hand, it is rare to pass CA in due time. Now what can I do? Please help me.
Shohagh, North Shajanpur, Dhaka

If you know that you can marry the girl of your dreams by passing the CA then you should put all your efforts in doing so. It might be rare but is certainly not impossible. Simultaneously, try to know more about the girl in question, after all she might also have a say in this matter. Your feelings seem more like an infatuation than love since you do not even know her name. Please remember, marriage is a serious matter and should not be based on how sweet or pretty one is.

Dear Mita
I am a student of third year honours in English. I always wear hijaab. Six or seven months ago I joined a coaching class. I really liked my teacher -- his reading style, his attitude -- it is everything I would like in a man. I wanted him to be my best friend and tell him everything about my life. He suddenly transferred from our coaching class and went away. I was really unhappy without seeing him and so I went to meet up with him one day. At first he behaved really properly but after a while he asked to see my face. When I refused he started acting very badly towards me, calling me a “black-sheep student” and saying that I was too obstinate to ever be happy. I am very shocked by his behaviour. I know I don't love him but at the same time, I can't forget him even though I want to. Please tell me how to forget him…
LMS, Dhaka

Dear LMS,
I cannot tell you how to forget him but his rude behavior should awaken you to the fact that he is not what you think he is. What ever might be the reason, he has no business being rude. On the other hand, perhaps he is not interested to befriend someone whose face he cannot see. You must accept and acknowledge this. You need to meet and get to know people who believe in your values and way of life which I am sure you will. All this is a part of growing up, and though this is a set back, you will certainly get over it.

Dear Mita,
I am a student of the department of management at a University College. I have been involved with a student in H.S.C. level for the last two years. We both love each other very much but recently she is insisting that we get married. I am very stressed out about this. Both our families know about us but my family will not accept our wedding at this time because I have my third year examinations coming up. I really need your help, and don't know what to do.
Stressed, Rangpur

Dear Stressed,
The time and date of marriage should be decided by both of you. If you are not ready then the girl should understand and not put this pressure on you. It seems that the girl is not matured enough for a serious business as marriage. You should try to communicate to her that getting married is not the end but rather the beginning of a long commitment that needs nurturing and understanding.

Dear Mita,
I am twenty-five years old and am in a relationship with an eighteen-year-old girl. She is neither a good student nor good looking. She had a noble heart, or so I thought. Once I kissed her and after that she urged me to marry her. She presented me with a gold ring, a shirt and pants. I could not refuse considering she would be hurt. I think you have already understood that she tempted me to kiss her and now she is condemning me for spoiling her. My parents and relatives have forbidden me to meet her. If I avoid her she will get very depressed and I don't want that. At the same time I cannot marry a girl of such a low family status. What can I do?
Torn, Khulna

Dear Torn,
You do not have to marry anyone you don't want to . Regarding her low family status, well, you should have thought about it when you started the relationship with her. It seems you are now regretting this relationship and want to get out of it. The most honourable thing would be to come out clean and tell her how you feel. It might not be very pleasant but that is the only way. Meanwhile, you have to take responsibility for your actions and not get into such situations in future.


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