<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 135 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

December 26, 2003

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Dear Mita,
I'm a final year university student. My father is very poor and I was tutoring two students to get me by financially. But due to academic pressure during my second year, I became irregular with the tuition and lost my students. Financially handicapped, I couldn't pursue my higher studies. At that point, a close friend of mine who lives in the US (he went there through a DV lottery) offered me financial help. I was hesitant at first, but, finding no other way, I agreed and he has been helping me ever since. Some days ago, his family, who used to like me before, found out about this and now despise me. I feel extremely embarrassed and have considered not taking my friend's help anymore, but my parents are looking to me for the future and I cannot disappoint them, and without his help I can't do it. I don't know if I should go on like this or just quit studying. I feel like a parasite. Please suggest something.

Dear Not-a-Parasite,
Although your embarrassment is understandable you should not quit studying. It is very important, no matter what, that you complete your education, get a job and pay back your friend. He is a friend in need who deserves full praise for what he is doing for you. Regarding his family, well, your friend should have a talk with them. Make it clear that you are taking this money on loan and will repay it whenever it will be possible for you to do so. You are certainly not a parasite, just a victim of a situation on which you have no control. You should maintain your pride and self-respect by becoming somebody worthy. Many before you have done it and so can you.

Dear Mita,
I'm a student of 1st Year, Honours, living in Dhaka. When I was living in the village, I fell in love with a distant cousin. We love each other very much and want to live near each other. She has just passed her HSCs and wants to come to Dhaka but her parents are reluctant to send her here because of me. I can't marry her right now because of my financial condition. What should I do? Please help.

Dear BB,
I am afraid that there is not much you can do under the circumstances. You are both very young and need time to grow and develop before you get into anything as serious as marriage. The fact that she does not live in the same place as you is a reality that you have to accept. She is not independent enough to come and live in Dhaka on her own. Her parents for very legitimate reasons will not let her come as they are concerned about her security and safety. Since you're not yet in a position to take that responsibility, it is better that you wait for the right time.

Dear Mita,
I'm 23 years old and doing my MA at a reputed university. I have been involved with a girl for the past five years. We love each other very much and have a very strong relationship which cannot be weathered by any storm. The problem is that my love has many male friends with whom she's cordial and friendly. A few days ago, however, one of them proposed to her and she refused him right away and told him about our affair. He was unprepared for this and behaved rudely with her, making her feel responsible for his misery. She's a simple girl and is now in mental agony, feeling like she cheated him by not telling him about our relationship before. I can't seem to make her understand that she is not at all responsible for anything, that she hasn't done anything wrong, but she's still very disturbed about the matter. How can I help to relieve her distress?
--Mental Agony

Dear Agony,
I think that she is making a huge fuss for not a very big problem. The person in question will get over it and get on with his life. If she is sure that she has done nothing to encourage him then there is no need for her to feel guilty. Falling in love, falling out of love, getting rejected are all a part of growing up. It is with these experiences in life that a person grows into maturity and someday finds fulfillment. Setbacks such as the above will occur and one has to take those in stride.



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