<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 136 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

January 2, 2004

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Dear Mita,
I'm a boy of 14. I'm giving my O' Level exams next year. I have been in many school because I was not a very good student and had been thrown out many times. My family is not rich; my father has passed away. I realise that I must take up any responsibilities. I'm trying to shape up by giving up many previous bad habits. I even pay some attention to my studies these days. But the problem is, my mom doesn't believe me. She thinks I'm like how I used to be. I often find her crying thinking about how spoilt I am. We often start arguing whenever we try to discuss something. Things weren't like this before. I found a school abroad which is ready to take me regardless of my qualifications. I want to get away from my mom for a while. It'll be good for me and for her. But how do I make her understand that right now going abroad for further studies is very important to me and that I have actually changed a lot?

Dear Forever,
You must demonstrate to your mother in very concrete ways as to how you have changed. First you must start to study hard and show her that you are improving. Only then you can bring up the subject of going abroad. Moreover there might be financial constraints to your going abroad which you need to consider. Remember that all schools abroad are not of high standards and students often feel disappointed after having gone. Think about all these factors and continue to work hard. Once your mother feels confident that you are trying she will be more willing to listen to you.

Dear Mita,
I-m a 22-year-old girl doing my BBA from NSU. I never got in any relationship because I always thought that this kind of things always creates problems in life. I had a friend with whom I was very close. I've had feelings for him for the last two and a half years, but never told him about it because he was involved with another girl for almost six years. I remained his best friend. But recently they broke up and he was devastated. I was
there for him to help him recover. It's been four months. Now he has proposed to me. It's not that he became weak towards me in last four months. I knew that he liked me a lot from the very beginning. I said yes to him. But now I don't know whether I should continue this because this is my first love and he was in a serious relationship for six years. What bothers me most is that he might not be able to love me the way I love him and may always be comparing me with his former love. Another problem is that though we are the same age, I'm in my final year and almost finished school while he still has two years to go. I love him very much. He is perfect for me in every way. But I don't know whether I should continue this relationship or not. Please tell me what I should do. Should I continue like this or just stay friends with him and wait for the right time?


Dear Confused,
The reasons for your hesitance are valid and should be considered. However, taking a drastic and final decision based on these is not advisable. Young people have relationships as they grow and some last while others do not. Just because he had a long relationship which broke does not necessarily mean that he will not be able to love you. His present actions and behaviour must inform your decisions and not what he has done in the past. If you think and believe that he is the right person for you then you should go ahead . Things will fall into place when you build a relationship of mutual trust and respect.

Dear Mita,
I'm madly in love with one of my colleagues, but haven't been able to tell her about my feelings. What should I do?

Dear Shamz,
You have not given me enough information in order to advise you. If you are madly in love then find a way to convey this to her in a non-offensive way. However, you must be prepared to be rejected also.

Dear Mita,
I am studying A' Levels at a reputed school in Dhaka. I have been totally crazy for this girl for the past year or so. It started off pretty badly. She had broken up with her boyfriend and I tried to be her "hero" in disguise and mend a broken heart. We became best friends. After a month or so, I expressed my feelings for her. She took it calmly but said she was in no position to go out with anyone at the moment. I decided to remain patient and wait. After several months, we started to get a little physical but we weren't going out! She's not the type of girl who does these sorts of things but she keeps saying that she is happy this way and isn't ready for another relationship right now. No one knows about our relationship -- it's a pretty "hush hush" affair. Am I right in waiting to win her officially or should I just move on?
--Messed Up

Dear Messed Up,
I think it is right to wait as she is obviously not ready for any serious relationship. I do not think that your "move on" tactic will work. The best way is to continue to be her friend and wait till she agrees. Perhaps there are issues that she wants settled before she commits herself.

Dear Mita,
My father has recently retired from service. It has always been his habit to get angry with my mother over every little thing. Now it's become almost impossible for my mother as well as us, his children, to tolerate his bad temper as he's home all day. We realise that recently retired people go through this phase adjusting to life and not having very much to do but it has become very difficult to adjust with my father. He never accepts any of our opinions or suggestions and whenever we try to make him understand something he asks us to stop lecturing. Please advise me on how we can reduce his stubbornness even a little bit and accept his behaviour a little more easily.
--A (Mentally) Tortured Daughter

Dear Tortured,
This is a very difficult question. Trying to adjust with a difficult person and being sympathetic at the same time is often difficult. You must try to get him interested in something, perhaps a hobby or voluntary work. The frustration of retired people comes from feelings of uselessness and that is what people around him should address. Seek help from a friend that he trusts and whose company he enjoys. Unfortunately there is no easy solution but hopefully with patience your family's suffering will decrease.


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