I'm a boy of 14. I'm giving my O' Level exams next year.
I have been in many school because I was not a very good
student and had been thrown out many times. My family is
not rich; my father has passed away. I realise that I must
take up any responsibilities. I'm trying to shape up by
giving up many previous bad habits. I even pay some attention
to my studies these days. But the problem is, my mom doesn't
believe me. She thinks I'm like how I used to be. I often
find her crying thinking about how spoilt I am. We often
start arguing whenever we try to discuss something. Things
weren't like this before. I found a school abroad which
is ready to take me regardless of my qualifications. I want
to get away from my mom for a while. It'll be good for me
and for her. But how do I make her understand that right
now going abroad for further studies is very important to
me and that I have actually changed a lot?
You must demonstrate to your mother in very concrete ways
as to how you have changed. First you must start to study
hard and show her that you are improving. Only then you
can bring up the subject of going abroad. Moreover there
might be financial constraints to your going abroad which
you need to consider. Remember that all schools abroad are
not of high standards and students often feel disappointed
after having gone. Think about all these factors and continue
to work hard. Once your mother feels confident that you
are trying she will be more willing to listen to you.
I-m a 22-year-old girl doing my BBA from NSU. I never got
in any relationship because I always thought that this kind
of things always creates problems in life. I had a friend
with whom I was very close. I've had feelings for him for
the last two and a half years, but never told him about
it because he was involved with another girl for almost
six years. I remained his best friend. But recently they
broke up and he was devastated. I was
there for him to help him recover. It's been four months.
Now he has proposed to me. It's not that he became weak
towards me in last four months. I knew that he liked me
a lot from the very beginning. I said yes to him. But now
I don't know whether I should continue this because this
is my first love and he was in a serious relationship for
six years. What bothers me most is that he might not be
able to love me the way I love him and may always be comparing
me with his former love. Another problem is that though
we are the same age, I'm in my final year and almost finished
school while he still has two years to go. I love him very
much. He is perfect for me in every way. But I don't know
whether I should continue this relationship or not. Please
tell me what I should do. Should I continue like this or
just stay friends with him and wait for the right time?
The reasons for your hesitance are valid and should be considered.
However, taking a drastic and final decision based on these
is not advisable. Young people have relationships as they
grow and some last while others do not. Just because he
had a long relationship which broke does not necessarily
mean that he will not be able to love you. His present actions
and behaviour must inform your decisions and not what he
has done in the past. If you think and believe that he is
the right person for you then you should go ahead . Things
will fall into place when you build a relationship of mutual
trust and respect.
madly in love with one of my colleagues, but haven't been
able to tell her about my feelings. What should I do?
You have not given me enough information in order to advise
you. If you are madly in love then find a way to convey
this to her in a non-offensive way. However, you must be
prepared to be rejected also.
I am studying A' Levels at a reputed school in Dhaka. I
have been totally crazy for this girl for the past year
or so. It started off pretty badly. She had broken up with
her boyfriend and I tried to be her "hero" in
disguise and mend a broken heart. We became best friends.
After a month or so, I expressed my feelings for her. She
took it calmly but said she was in no position to go out
with anyone at the moment. I decided to remain patient and
wait. After several months, we started to get a little physical
but we weren't going out! She's not the type of girl who
does these sorts of things but she keeps saying that she
is happy this way and isn't ready for another relationship
right now. No one knows about our relationship -- it's a
pretty "hush hush" affair. Am I right in waiting
to win her officially or should I just move on?
I think it is right to wait as she is obviously not ready
for any serious relationship. I do not think that your "move
on" tactic will work. The best way is to continue to
be her friend and wait till she agrees. Perhaps there are
issues that she wants settled before she commits herself.
My father has recently retired from service. It has always
been his habit to get angry with my mother over every little
thing. Now it's become almost impossible for my mother as
well as us, his children, to tolerate his bad temper as
he's home all day. We realise that recently retired people
go through this phase adjusting to life and not having very
much to do but it has become very difficult to adjust with
my father. He never accepts any of our opinions or suggestions
and whenever we try to make him understand something he
asks us to stop lecturing. Please advise me on how we can
reduce his stubbornness even a little bit and accept his
behaviour a little more easily.
--A (Mentally) Tortured Daughter
This is a very difficult question. Trying to adjust with
a difficult person and being sympathetic at the same time
is often difficult. You must try to get him interested in
something, perhaps a hobby or voluntary work. The frustration
of retired people comes from feelings of uselessness and
that is what people around him should address. Seek help
from a friend that he trusts and whose company he enjoys.
Unfortunately there is no easy solution but hopefully with
patience your family's suffering will decrease.