day, a taxi-driver picked up a foreign official who seemed
rather naive who admitted it was his first time in such
a big city. As they drove, the officer asked the driver
what's the star shaped thing on the hood of the Mercedes
Benz was for.
to play on the official's naivete, the taxi-driver said
it's an "aimer" -- for running over pedestrians.
He then asked the officer if he'd like to see a demonstration.
officer was eager to see -- so the driver accelerated and
drove directly at a person crossing the street. At the last
moment he swerved so as to miss the pedestrian -- but heard
a big bang and upon looking in the rear mirror saw the pedestrian
lying on the road.
happened?!" shouted the taxi driver.
"Well," answered the officer, "I saw you
were going to miss him, so I got him with the door!"
state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and
approaches the lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason
that you're weaving all over the road?"
woman replied, "Oh, Officer, thank goodness you're
here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was
a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there
was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right
and there was another tree in front of me!"
through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer
replied, "Ma'am ... that's your air freshener."
Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip, set up their
tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke his
look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
pondered for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it
tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn
is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful
and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it
is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot,
someone has stolen our tent.”
bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck
and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker
and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides
to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the
want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers,
and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says, "I want
to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line,
the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only
ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing
his rear off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him
what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make
them all ugly again."