you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was
and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never
yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes
up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your
money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free
in the first place, you either married it or gave birth
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her
heart out to her girlfriends and she will write a poem titled
"All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with
her life. A male has a little more trouble letting go. Six
months after the break-up, at 3 am on a Friday morning,
he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know
you ruined my life and I'll never forgive you and I hate
you and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that
there's always a chance for us." This is known as the
'I Hate You, I Love You' drunken phone call and 99 percent
of all men have made it at least once. There are community
colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
Women mature much faster than men do. Most 17-year-old females
can function as adults. Most 17year-old males are still
trading cricket posters. This is why high school romances
rarely work out.
A man has five items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel. The average number
of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437 most of
which a man would not be able to identify.
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out
to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the
only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a Coke.
Then he goes grocery shopping and buys everything that looks
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women
aren't looking, men kick cats.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances
and best friends and favourite foods and secret fears and
hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the
mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns including his surgical pants
that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his
laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear
a dirty sweatshirt inside out.
When the bill comes, four men will each throw in Tk. 500
bills, even though it's only for Tk. 700. None of them will
have anything smaller and none will actually admit they
want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come
the pocket calculators.
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections
on any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach
the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow
out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their
toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical.
Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Cell phones.
Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small
robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything
that blinks, beeps and requires at least six big batteries
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more
minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a
man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither
of them is counting time outs, commercials or replays.
Men use toilets for purely biological reasons. Women use
toilets as social lounges. Men in toilets will never speak
a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave
a toilet giggling together like old friends.