<%-- Page Title--%> Jokes <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 139 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

January 23, 2004

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Practically Speaking

Unconventional Wisdom
1. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
2. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
3. If you lend someone 100 taka and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
5. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the heck alone.
6. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper that's the time to do it.
7. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
8. Give a man the fire and you'll keep him warm for one day. Set the man on fire -- and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life.
9. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
10. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
11. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
12. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
17. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

There were four students taking organic chemistry at university. They did so well on all the quizzes, mid-terms, labs and essays that each had an 'A' so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with the finals approaching that the weekend before they decided to go back to their hometown and party with some friends there. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to town until early Monday morning, the morning of their final exam. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor AFTER the exam and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone home to do some study for the weekend with the plan to come back in time for the exam. But unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they had only just arrived now! The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The four were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night -- all night -- and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. The first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they all thought in their separate rooms. "This is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and turned the page. On the second page was written, "Question 2 (for 95 points): Which tyre?




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