<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 139 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

January 23, 2004

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Dear Mita,
I'm 16 years old. When I was 14, I had a boyfriend in school. I didn't like him at first because he wasn't good-looking but when I got to know him as a person, I began to like him a lot. People also told me that he loved me and that he would be good for me. After we got together, he changed schools and a distance grew in our relationship. We still used to meet, hiding it from my parents who are conservative and we were also physically involved. After being involved for 9 months, I didn't see him for 3 months, which later led to greater distance. Perhaps because I couldn't give him what he wanted, he dumped me and started going out with someone who could. Another problem was that he gave his music more importance than me. I was very depressed about our break-up. Now I have another boyfriend who is a wonderful person, but I am going through the same problems again. He's even crazier about music and this scares me. I'm very serious about him and want to marry him. I even slept with him so he wouldn't leave me. He once said that if I get fat he would love me less. His sister saw my picture and didn't like me and said bad things about me too. My boyfriends not rich and will need another 11 years to become established. What if things change in the meantime? I'm afraid of getting fat, I'm afraid of his music, of him leaving me. I'm so scared and confused about my future. Please help.
--Unknown Girl

Dear Girl,
You are only 16 and not ready to take such serious decisions. Please take it easy and don't rush. You have many things to do and attain besides getting married or getting fat. Please get your priorities right. At this moment, marriage should be the last thing on your mind. You have to study, build a career and establish yourself. If this new boyfriend is nice then let him be and give him space. There is no need to become an adult before it is time. One has a lifetime to lead adult lives -- don't start before it is time.

Dear Mita,
I am about to graduate. I want to earn money. Though I have been teaching students privately I never got good enough tuitions to support me financially. How can I get some good tuitions? What else can I do to make money? Please help.

Dear Jobless,
I am afraid I cannot help you to earn more money. You need to seek help from friends, teachers, relatives, etc. One way to get good tuitions is to establish your credentials as a good teacher, then you will get more students.

Dear Mita,
I am an SSC candidate for the coming exams. My close friend's brother is getting married and his family is looking for a suitable girl for him. A few weeks ago, I came to learn that they want a girl who will give them dowry. I tried to make my friend understand that this is wrong but he told me that it is tradition. How can I convince my friend that dowry is indeed wrong as well as help stop the practice in society?

Dear MR,
You are absolutely right. Dowry is wrong and everyone should work towards ending this terrible practice. It ruins families and is degrading to the dignity of both men and women. There is nothing much you can do if your friend does not understand. You can continue to try but make sure that when you or your close family members get married this does not happen. This practice will only end when many people in society raise their voices against it and teach children from a young age that this is wrong.



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