Between The Lines
to translating personal advertisements
Independent Thinker - Crazy.
High-Spirited - Crazy, hyperactive and throws things.
Free-Spirited - Crazy and irresponsible.
Ample - Large.
Huggable - Large.
Zaftig - REALLY Large.
Fat and Sassy - Large and loudmouthed.
Slender - Skinny.
Svelte - Anorexic.
Petite (I am) - Short.
Petite (you are) - Size 2.
Dynamic - Pushy.
Assertive - Pushy with a mean streak.
Excited About Life's Journey - No concept of reality.
Moody - Manic-depressive.
Unpredictable - Manic-depressive and off medication.
Soulful - Manic-depressive and quiet.
Poetic - Manic-depressive and boring.
Looking for Mr/Ms Right - Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.
Very Human - Quasimodo.
Uninhibited - Lacking basic social skills.
Irreverent - Mean and lacking basic social skills.
Ageing Child - Self-centred adult.
Freedom-loving - Undependable.
Young at Heart - Over 40.
Youthful - Over 50 and in major denial.
Chatty - Never shuts up.
Humorous - Watches too much TV and never shuts up.
Financially secure (I am) - Has a job.
Financially secure (you are) - Rich.
Affectionate - Perverse.
Romantic - Perverse.
Passionate - Perverse.
a street where the speed was limited to 30km/h the police
stopped a driver. “So then. Not only have you been driving
too fast, you've been overtaking where it was not allowed.
Your lights don't work, your tires are all completely worn
out. This is surely going to cost you a lot. What's your
"Hmmmm...eh...well," said the policeman. "I'll
let you go this time, but don't do it again."
guy in a car was pulled over by a cop for driving through
a stop sign. The cop asked the man why he didn't stop and
the man responded, "I slowed down; slowing down and
stopping are just about the same thing, aren't they?"
officer proceeded to pick up the man by the collar and beat
the man in the face mercilessly with his night stick. While
he was doing this, the officer said, "Now, do you want
me to SLOW DOWN, or do you want me to STOP?"
was a painter by the name of Kalu who was very interested
in making a penny where he could, so he would often thin
his paint to make it go further. As it happened, he got
away with this for some time, but eventually the city decided
to do a big restoration job that involved the painting of
one of its biggest churches.
put in a bid and because his price was so low, he got the
job. He went about erecting the trestles and setting up
the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down
with the turpentine. Kalu was up on the scaffolding, painting
away with the job nearly completed, when suddenly there
was a horrendous clap of thunder and the sky opened. The
torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the church
and knocked Kalu off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among
the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned
and useless paint.
was no fool. He knew this was a judgement from the Almighty,
so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive
me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”