three weeks have passed since I made my intentions known, I
will admit to you that till date I have note yet been offered
any portfolio. That is primarily because I have not yet been
offered any ministership. Nor is there any rumour that I am
being considered, but I have taken this thought to a level of
art: I think of what I would do, what I could do as a Minister
only as a past time. If per chance I would come into contention
I would fizzle out as a candidate because who wants a person
in the cabinet who is forever trembling? I tremble not in fear
but in excitement (don't believe any husband when he says that)
of the prospects that lie ahead.
a Minister I could continue to say befaash things and
yet claim to be in full control of my Home. That in itself would
be untenable, but as Minister I would be flying high, as high
as an Air Vice Marshall.
it! As minister I could make money in deals involving Communications'
New Gadget (CNG), and yet successfully weave out of trouble
and stay afloat like a seasoned Barrister. As Minister, I could
hand out government developed plots to professionals related
to me, to politicians related to me, to members of the learned
community related to me, to film stars related to me, to sportsmen
and women related to me, to business people related to me and
to my relations related to me. Frankly, I do not know who they
are but once I am appointed, they will find me out.
Minister, I would not have to pay my telephone bills, or my
electricity bills, or my gas bills, or for my car's petrol,
or municipality taxes, or income tax, or for travelling on Biman,
or train, or bus, or launch, or for that matter any bill whatsoever.
That is because whatever ministry I am assigned to, I shall
be personally in-charge of one of them bills. All I have to
do is ring the other ministers' in-charge of the other bills
and tell them that it's all kata-kati. You don't send
me any bill and I do likewise. As minister I could go and open
a new restaurant and not have to wait in a queue for forty-five
ministers to get in. Also at opening ceremonies the food is
free. How people can come and gobble up free food without doing
any work is beyond my dignity! I would at least be cutting a
ribbon while being pushed from behind by two dozen people and
smiling for the camera. It has also baffled me how a photographer
can be inside even before a Minister has opened it. There should
be some law about such ill manners. But I hope I don't get law,
for then I may have to constantly lie. There is perhaps no worse
a moral crime than concealing truths by judicial jargon.
many options, the task of becoming a Minister is daunting because
not only do you have to get the right portfolio, you have to
ensure the others get the wrong one. In politics, you trust
no one, not even if you are locked in the same cabinet.
all the enthusiasm, each time I think of it I am put off by
the prospects that lie ahead when I shall be an ex-Minister.
I will not have to pay my telephone bills because I will not
have one. I shall have to stand in a queue in order to get into
the main queue. I can stop shaving because there will not be
any photographer around. Come to think of it, I will also not
have any relatives. In case you are wondering why this week's
write-up is so brief, you should remember Ministers are not
in the habit of writing, not for the obvious reason but because
they talk more.