<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 146 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

March 19, 2004

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Dear Mita,
I am a 29-year-old single man. I am however having problems with this girl I am going out with. I have no intention of getting married to her. But she is trying to entrap me. She is telling me that she might be pregnant etc.. I will arrange for an abortion if that is the case and say goodbye to her forever. She's a real pain and constantly makes derogatory comments about my family, which I simply resent. I didn't know her true character before going out with her for a while. She wants to force me into marrying her. I told her that I can only be her boyfriend but no more. I do not want to marry her. She also threatened to call up my parents and telling them about us. Next time I will be careful when it comes to girls in Bangladesh. You may think I am being an arrogant bastard but I am really not. I am really scared and anxious about my present situation. It would be a real help if you were by my side at this moment. I really don't know what to do anymore. I am very confused. I cannot concentrate on my work. Please give me some good advice.
-Confused Anxious

Dear Confused,
You have to take responsibility for the mess you are in. Your tone also demonstrates your utter lack of sensitivity towards a woman you have been intimate with. Have you thought that this woman might have trusted you and believed that you will marry her. For some reason you have lost interest in her and want to get out. I do not also understand what you mean by saying that you can only be her "boyfriend "and nothing more. There is certainly a misunderstanding regarding what you both understand by the word "boyfriend". Anyway, this is about our lives and your future. One mistake should not lead to others. You will have to talk to her in a more sensitive manner and explain the implication of a marriage in which both of you will be unhappy. Next time please have some respect for people that you have relationships with.

Dear Mita,
I am 21 years old and studying in a reputed private university. I am madly in love with one of my classmates. She tries to avoid me but I am very passionate about her. When we get together for studying, the moments are so colourful. I cannot think of anything other than her. Recently she has told me that she is in love with her cousin and that I should forget her, but I don't know how to. I am taking drugs in order to forget her but in every moment I see her eyes watching me and her face tells me something that I cannot express. Am I just to go mad? What should I do?
-Crazy in Love

Dear Crazy,
If she is in love with someone else then there is nothing much you can do. You will just have to forget her. I know this is painful but disappointments are a part of life. Things do not always work out the way we want. The clever thing is to realize this as soon as possible and get over it. There is life beyond this and you will just have to look for it.

Dear Mita,
I am a 19-year old A-Level student. For the last three and half years I have been having an affair with a 23-years-old Honours student at DU. We love each other madly. We have a very good understanding. We have never had any serious physical relationship. But the problem is that after finishing my A-level exam, I have to go abroad with my family this year. I am not sure that I will come back here again. But I can't live without him. So we decided that we will marry on our own before I go to abroad. Will it be a good idea? I am also confused whether my parents will accept him or not. Please help me!

Dear Boochy,
I do not think that it is a good idea to rush into marriage at your age, no matter what the circumstances might be. Marriage is a very serious business and demands a life time of commitment. There is no reason why your relationship cannot continue even if you move abroad. No matter where you live, you can always meet and get married but this must be at the right time. There is no sense in alienating your family for no reason. You both should wait for the right time, complete your studies become independent and then get married if you still want to.


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