<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 150 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

April 16, 2004

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Dear Mita,
I'm 21 years old and I've joined a BBA programme at NSU. I am facing some difficulties in making female friends. Most university students have the intention of making girl/boy friends. At the beginning of my first semester, I tried to be friends with some of my classmates and share my work with them. To my surprise, the girls acted as though I wanted to be their lovers and they had no interest in me. I am bewildered. Their attitude hurts me very much. I don't understand how young women, who study at a university like NSU, can be so narrow-minded. Now I've decided that I don't even want to talk with any girl unless I'm forced to or need to. But my decision leaves me feeling uneasy and unhappy. What can I do now?

Dear Bewildered,
Perhaps something in the way you approached them evoked this kind of reaction. Please do not get so upset as all this is a part of growing up. Learning to make friends, especially females is something you will have to learn over the years. Usually young women do not react in this way therefore you need to rethink how you present yourself. This experience should not discourage you from making friends. I am sure there are many girls who would be very happy to have our friendship. The trick is to find them.

Dear Mita,
I am a 30 year old unmarried woman working in an NGO. For the last two months I feel depressed about everything. Before I was happy with my job, family and friends. Recently however, I feel unhappy with everything around me. I don't like anybody. Everyone in the world seems unfaithful and selfish. I feel like all of them are out to do me harm. I am insecure and I hate all of them. I realise that this way of thinking is wrong, but I can't help it. I want to die.

Dear N,
Whatever is your problem, I can assure you that it is better then dying. At the age of 30 perhaps you need a more permanent partner in life. There is of course no need to rush but it is time to at least think about it. I do not know the basis of your coming to such a strange conclusion that everyone is hateful and selfish but it is totally exaggerated. Remember, people will behave with you the way you behave with them. Try to think how unselfish and generous you are before accusing others. Try to think positive and most of your problems will disappear.

Dear Mita,
I am 23 and a BBA student of a private university. I am however, having problems with a girl, who is my classmate. It is worth mentioning that I am a Christian and she is a Muslim. She was a very good friend of mine with whom I used to share all my problems and happiness. At the time I was unaware that she had fallen in love with me. At that time, her husband was in London for his studies, but of course she referred to him as her husband-to-be. One day she told me that she loved me. I tried to make her understand that it was not possible to love two people at the same time but she assured me that she could do so. Soon I became weak and began to fall for her too. The problem started when her husband came back. Her last words to me were, "I'm sorry for everything." I was extremely shocked because I love her so much. Now I feel uneasy whenever I meet her, especially when she introduced me to her husband. It is really impossible to behave normally with her. Please tell me what to do.

Dear Fallen,
You have been taken for a ride and now the best thing is to cut off all relationship with her. It seems that she has used you and is now trying to act normally as if nothing has happened. Since she is in your class it might not be possible to stop meeting her. However, you can avoid being in her company. Most importantly, you must start to believe that you have no future with her and that she is something of the past and cannot be a part of your life. Make other friends and try to forget her. She has chosen her life partner and now it is time for you to go ahead and not delve in the past.



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