<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 153 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

May 7, 2004

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Dear Mita,
I'm a 14-year-old girl studying in one of the leading schools in Bangladesh. I'm quite a good student and I want to hold on to this reputation. But I'm going through a difficult time, the reason being my friends. I have a good friend circle; my friends are nice and caring. But even in their midst, I don't feel as if I'm one of them. I feel as if they don't give me as much attention as they give each other and I feel left out. I always seem to get the most of the usually harmless banter and insults and I feel like they gang up on me. Today, when one of them implied that I'm unpopular and not wanted, I started crying. How can I be popular and not have problems with friends? Please advise me not as a grown-up but a friend yourself.

Dear D,
Part of growing up is learning to deal with difficult and different relationships. Things do not always turn out the way you want them to. I also faced a similar situation when I was your age. It seemed that no one liked me and were ignoring me. This is not easy to come to terms with especially if you are used to getting attention all the time. I however discovered that these are temporary phases and passes and something of more importance takes over. Your biggest asset is that you are a good student. This should give you confidence in your ability to make friends and hold on to them. If some of them are ignoring you so be it, they will come back to you. You can also think of analysing your behaviour, perhaps that needs some improvement. There is no need to be overly concerned nor should you ignore your friends. Act normally, be helpful and supportive whenever possible. Things will surely change for the better soon.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 23-year-old studying at DU and will be graduating soon. I have been going out with a man for the past seven months. He's an established businessman, very polite and sophisticated. We love each other very much and want to get married. But there are two problems. One is that I want to get married after finishing school but he says marriage won't hamper my studies. The other thing is, he wants to get very physical with me, kissing and touching me as an expression of his love. But I don't think we should get this close before marriage though he thinks it's okay. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he gets upset. Please tell me how I can avoid these circumstances before marriage.
--In a Jam

Dear Jam,
You are 23, an adult and capable of deciding what is best for you. You have met the man of your choice and now it us up to both of you to take this relationship forward in a mature and sensible way. Although it is better to complete one’s education before marriage, there are many instances of successfully doing so after marriage. It all depends on the kind of support you will get and your determination to complete your studies and plan a career. Regarding your question about getting physical. As I said earlier, you are both adults and this is a matter of personal choice. It is related to your sense of responsibility and values.

Dear Mita,
I'm 21 years old and working in a bank. I've been facing a lot of problems lately. I don't know how to face people any more. I feel like I know nothing anymore. I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do. I've broken up with a lot of friends and I don't know how to approach people anymore. How can I make more friends and be more social? I get tongue-tied whenever I meet someone new. What should I do? I love my ex-boyfriend very much and want to settle things with him. Would it be worth pursuing a relationship with him? Please help.
--Desperately Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,
You have given too little information to understand your problem. You are young and have a good job. What you have said about losing your mind is not at all clear. Please take a hold of your self and analyse why you are having such problems. You might find that there is not much basis to this and it is mostly in your mind. Get out of this rut and start to think positive. Count all the blessings you have, the relationships, your parents, siblings, friends etc. Get in touch with your ex-boyfriend again and see if anything is left in that relationship. Losing your mind and giving up at the age of 21 will not get you any where.


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