<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 154 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

May 14, 2004

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Dear Mita,
I am a half Bangladeshi man of 25, living in Dhaka for the last two years. I am madly in love with a girl who is four years younger than I am and we have been living together for a while. But now my mother, who is a Bangladeshi, wants me to get married to a girl of her choice. She knows about my partner and loathes her. My partner's family likes me and they do not have any problem with us staying together. But my mother has constantly been making life difficult for me by emotionally blackmailing me in several ways. It is difficult for me to hurt my mother as I love her, though there is a huge gap between us, as she had left me when I was three years old. Please advise me as to how I can get rid of this problem.
--Perdu dans l'amour

Dear Perdu,
I guess you will have to make a difficult choice between your mother and the woman you love. Mothers tend to be traditional when it comes to their sons. She believes that the girl is not suitable for marriage because she lives with you but finds you perfectly eligible to marry another girl (even though you have been living with a girl). These are facts of our society; we have different standards for men and women. You must continue to try and make your mother understand that you happiness lies with this girl. If however she does not understand then you will have to take the tough decision.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 22-year-old university student. My problem is that I see many couples on campus showing their affection. This arouses me and I have begun to masturbate frequently. I know being caught up in such thoughts and urges is not good and that they will mess up my studies. But it has become a big problem that I don't know how to deal with. I feel like I'm going insane. What should I do?

Dear Nutty,
If you think that this problem is getting out of hand then you should see a doctor..

Dear Mita,
I'm a 20-year-old male studying at a reputed private university in Dhaka. I have a very weird problem of taking everything very seriously. Every time I hear a news or approach something, I always tend to think of the negative effect or side of it and as a result, my confidence level becomes very low. I don't have many friends either because every time I see someone, I start comparing myself to him or her. If I feel that this person is better then me or vice versa, then I tend to move away. For example, there is someone who likes me a lot and like her too. She is actually a better student than I am and is very lively compared to me. But due to my odd personality, I always try to avoid her. I feel that something must be done to stop this inferiority complex within me. Please help.

Dear ER,
Only you can help yourself in this situation. You have to take a real effort to build your self-confidence and self esteem. You will always come across people who are better in some ways and inferior in other respect. People are a combination of good and bad traits and that is what makes us human. A part of growing up is to realise that and learn to adjust with different kinds of people. To accept differences and build on the similarities, that is the way to build relationships. It does not matter at all if someone is a better student. You may have other qualities which may compliment her accomplishments. There is no reason to shy away from people who you think are superior than you. You might not know but she may also have many faults of which you are unaware. Therefore take a positive view of life and count all the benefits you have compared to half of our population.


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