first day God created the cow...
God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all
day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk
to support the farmer...for that I will give you a life span
of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life, you want
me to live for sixty years...let me have twenty years and
I'll give back the other forty," and God agreed.
On the second day, God created the dog...
God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and
bark at anyone who comes in or walks past...I'll give you
a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking... give
me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God
On the third day God created the monkey...
God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them
laugh... I'll give you a twenty year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty
years? I don't think so...dog gave you back ten, so that's
what I'll do too."
And God agreed again.
Now on the fourth day, God created man...
God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy...do nothing, just
enjoy, enjoy... I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What...only twenty years? No way man, tell
you what, I'll take my twenty...the forty cow gave back...
the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back...
that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God... "You've got a deal!"
So this is why for...
the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do
the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family...
the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren...
the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at
Life has now been explained.
was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquillity had long been known about the
town, and on this very special occasion, a local newspaper
reporter paid them a visit.
He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well"...explained the husband..."it all goes
all the way back to our honeymoon, you see, we visited the
Grand Canyon and we took a trip down to the bottom of the
canyon by pack mule."
He continues..."well now, we hadn't gone too far when
my wife's mule stumbled, she quietly said...that's once."
"We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled
again and my wife quietly spoke...that's twice."
"You know, that mule hadn't gone a half-mile when it
stumbled a third time."
My wife promptly removed a gun from her purse, hopped off
the beast, and shot the mule dead."
"I protested over her treatment of the mule, she slowly
turned to me and quietly said...that's once."
enters a cafe, sits down & notices that the special of
the day is cold chili. When the waitress comes to take his
order, he says, "I'll take the cold chili." "I'm
sorry, the gentlemen next to you got the last bowl,"
says the waitress. "Oh. I'll just have coffee, then."
After a while the man notices that the guy next to him who
got the last bowl of cold chili is finishing a rather large
meal and the chili bowl is still full. He asks, "Are
you going to eat that?"
The other man replies, "No." "Would you sell
it to me?" "You can have it for free if you want
So the man takes the bowl of chili and begins to eat it. When
he gets about half way through the bowl, he notices a dead
mouse in the bowl and pukes the chili back into the bowl.
The other man says sympathetically, "That's about as
far as I got, too."
was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays
like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him,
takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see
a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss,
outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car,
I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do
nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it,
I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab
driver just drives away.
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife with
someone else. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just
when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show
up and drink my poison.”