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     Volume 4 Issue 2 | July 2, 2004 |


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Write To Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm a 23-year-old girl about to graduate. I have a very strange problem and I don't know how to deal with it. I have this strange habit of procrastinating and it's causing me a lot of trouble. Even when I know that there is something important to be done, I just waste time worrying about it instead of taking action. By the time I do take action, it's usually too late and it leads to complications and difficulties for me and also causes others to misunderstand me. I don't know what's happening to me. I was never an irresponsible person but nowadays I don't seem to have any willpower. What could be the reason for this and how should I rectify myself?

Dear SHF,
The only person who can help is you. There is a need to do some serious thinking and you have to decide what is the aim of your life. Obviously there is some problem somewhere which is leading to such behaviour. You might try to set targets for yourself with deadlines and then try your best to meet them. You have to develop some level of self discipline otherwise it will not be possible to get out of this situation.

Dear Mita,
I am 25, but am not clear about relationships between the sexes. I've been involved with a girl for a long time--sometimes it seems like love and sometimes only a natural desire for the human body. We're not sure as to what to do as we don't understand our own love and sexual relationship. Can you explain what this is and what the outcome will/should be.

Love is about respecting, supporting and helping to fulfil each other's dreams and aspirations. It is also about being responsible towards ourselves and our families. Before adults get into a sexual relationship they should first work out several factors.
The most important one is related to mutual respect and a sense of responsibility. For two mature people in love, physical love is only a part of a bigger and deeper relationship. It is this relationship that lasts a lifetime and that is what you should strive for.

Dear Mita,
A boy named H has liked me for the past five years but I only got to know it over a year after we became friends. Though I didn't accept his proposal, we remained good friends. A year later, he got involved with someone else but it didn't work out . I also got involved -- with his cousin -- and tried to make the relationship work until I found out that he was two-timing me. After that, I got used to my life of freedom, not knowing that H still liked me and had been waiting for me. A few days ago, he proposed again and I accepted . But the problem is that he is a Shia Muslim and I am a Sunni from a very religious background, which is the main reason I didn't accept his proposal the first time. I feel miserable and helpless thinking of the future and I don't know whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I love H a lot but I'm pessimistic about my future. Please help.

Dear Frustrated,
If you really love him then this Shia and Sunni business should not be a problem. If it is a question of convincing your families then you will have to wait and try to change their minds. I do not understand why you are so pessimistic about your future. Shia is just another sect and not even another religion -- so why are you so concerned about it? People who are committed to each other cross much more difficult hurdles. Yours is not such a big problem and should be easy to overcome. The most important factor is both of your commitment to the relationship.



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