Slice of Life
A Roman Column
Anasthesia: A Russian princess you studied
Ankle: Opposite of aunty
Anthrax: Trail made by ants
Antibodies: Things uncles are familiar
Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability
to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Asthma: What you do if dad says no
A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman
Barium: What doctors do when treatment
Beepilepsy: The brief siezure people
sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially
in vibrator mode. Characterised by physical spasms, goofy
facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Blood Count: Dracula
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of
happiness behind her
Someone who is fed up with people
Chicken: The only animals you eat before
they are born and after they are dead.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes
and wastes hours.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between
husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her
Cystogram: A telegram to your sister
A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in
a fur coat.
Disconfect: To sterilize the piece of
candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming
this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
Disk Crash: A typical computer response
to any critical deadline
Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness
and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances
that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six
hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of
Dump: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after
you install games on your computer.
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research
papers looking for the mention of your name.
Elbonics: The actions of two people maneuvering
for one armrest in a movie theater
Expansion Unit: The new room you have
to build on to your home to house your computer and all
What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half
hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work
in 30 minutes.
Flink: The act of turning on your car's
turn signal just long enough for it to blink for half
Floppy: The condition of a constant computer
user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet
of junk food.
of Being A Woman
get rid of leg hair without pretending that you do a lot of
cycling/swimming or any other sport that would require aerodynamic
You absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being
suspect of your sexuality.
Should you wake up looking like something the cat dragged
in, you can fix it with cosmetics.
You can have partners that are years younger than you without
being called dirty old perverts.
You can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder
Your boyfriend's clothes make you look elfin and gorgeous.
They look like complete dorks in your clothes.
You have total control over our eyebrows.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
You can cry to get out of speeding fines.
The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts...
and pool... and football.
You live longer, so you can be cantankerous old biddies wearing
inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers... men die
earlier so you get to cash in on the life insurance.
You know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct
correlation between the size of our scores and the size of
Taxis stop for you.
You get drunk quicker and cheaper.
You have no desire to arrange your possessions in alphabetical
You've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure
in a computer game.
It does not enhance your social standing to understand the
inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other football thing).
But you look incredibly cool if you do.