We Still Be Friends?
B. shared a disturbing story with me. Disturbing, because
I've heard it so many times before, and familiar, because
I probably lived a version of it myself once or twice.
our buddy, Mike, in a pretty serious relationship for the
past three years and all of a sudden his girl wants to break
up with him. But here's the kicker: she still wants to be
heck is THAT supposed to mean? I can completely understand
poor Mike's anguish. I mean, perhaps over time one's feelings
can morph from one thing into another, but you simply can't
turn them on and off like a light switch. Today, passionate
love. Tomorrow, "click!" just your buddy. "So,
tell me ALL about that new guy you're dating." Yeah,
we thinking, when we say something like that? I think women
do it, because we think it will lessen the pain. I'm going
to slide out of your life slowly rather than yank myself out
in one go. Or, there are lots of things I like about you,
but not quite enough to actually want to be your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Can I just have the parts I like?
are very rare situations, where two people decide together
that perhaps a platonic arrangement is better than a romantic
one. And, there are definitely situations, where the romantic
relationship turns into a platonic one over time (although
generally it's not a conscious decision).
think the other person can simply switch overnight is not
only impossible but selfish. Because, I'm pretty darn sure
Mike B.'s girlfriend has been thinking about being "just
friends" for some time. She only sprung it on him now.
The signs have probably been there, and perhaps Mike missed
be their relationship already started drifting in the platonic
direction, but he hadn't noticed. For although we often expect
the other person to change overnight in order to catch up,
we've had the "luxury" of weeks, months or even
years of slow percolation to get where we are.
there is one thing I want to make clear. I'm not saying that
Mike B. is totally blameless in the break-up. He might be,
or he might not be. I don't know anything about the circumstances,
or why his girlfriend's feelings changed.
saying is it's pretty unreasonable for her to expect him to
be able to (let alone WANT to) be "just friends".
She's breaking up with him, pure and simple. If she doesn't
want to be with him, she doesn't want to be with him. And,
that's the end of it.
Mike, but that's the way I see it. Sadly, it's time to move
on. When the pain is gone and the wounds have healed, it may
be possible to resume a casual friendship with her. But, that's
not something you are required to try for. It happens on its
own accord. And, it's rare. For now, it's time for introspection
and time on your own to reflect on how things got to this
point, and then you'll be ready to move on. Sigh.
(R) thedailystar.net 2004