How to Know if You are in Love
1. Clarify what love is for you. Write down all your thoughts
and feelings about what a loving relationship would be like
2. Distinguish between love and lust or infatuation. Lust
is an intense sexual desire. Infatuation refers to the initial
stage of a relationship, when you are "crazy" about
them, but this feeling usually fades over time.
3. Ask other people how they define love or know if they love
4. Write down how you do feel about them. For example: you
enjoy their company, have similar interests, feel safe, trust
them, think they are attractive, etc.
5. Think about how well the two of you relate to each other.
For example: How well do you communicate with each other?
How do you deal with conflict? Do you bring out good or bad
parts of each other? Can you show different sides of yourself?
6. Ask yourself if you see and accept them as a whole person.
Love isn't just loving the parts of them you like, but choosing
to love them overall.
The infatuation phase of a relationship typically lasts about
six months. You may think you are in love and he/she is perfect
for you. It often takes more time to tell if you are truly
compatible and whether you can really love the whole person,
good and bad.
do you know if your spouse is "in love" with you?
If you were asked, "Is your spouse in-love with you?"
what would you say. Or better yet, how would you find out?
Most people use two common techniques to determine whether
or not their spouse is in-love with them:
The straightforward approach is typically what most people
"Do you love me?" one would ask the other.
"Why, of course I do, Honey."
"What do you think?" replies the spouse.
And, if there is sincerity in the delivery, the questioning
would stop right there.
However, if there was something insincere about the answer,
the following technique would be used:
Does the actions of your spouse support the idea that they
are in-love with you? Are you treated with care? Are you treated
in a "loving" manner? Does your spouse act like
he/she is in-love with you? This approach to answering the
question of being in-love or not tends to be the litmus test.
Most of us judge a person's heart by their actions. Right
or wrong, that's what we do. When the actions are in direct
conflict with what the person says, suspicion typically follows.
the above techniques are used on a frequent basis, they are
both wrought with the potential for error.
There is a third and more effective way to find out if your
spouse is in-love with you. Ask yourself "Should _____
be in love with me?" In other words, are you giving your
spouse a reason to be in-love with you?
Needs and Love Busters
In order to answer your own question, you must first know
your spouse's most important emotional needs and how does
he/she like them to be met?
your Love Busters (from your spouse's perspective) and have
you eliminated them?
knowing the answers to the above questions, you are guessing.
And what's more, if you don't know the answers, you are probably
tainting your guesses with how you like your own needs to
be met (emotional needs) and what you believe is irritating
You must be successful at developing and maintaining your
skills to meet your spouse's needs and also demonstrate an
ability to protect him/her from yourself (your Love Busters).
Because it boils down to this: If you're not successful at
giving your spouse a reason to be in-love with you, then he/she
(R) thedailystar.net 2004