razzmatazz of an Opening Ceremony celebrating the return of
the Modern Olympic Movement to Athens got me into thinking
about our Olympics. Yes! There will come a time when our Olympic
Association will bid, and (kee sharbanash!) we will
be awarded the prestigious Games. While the question will
remain in which dabbish shaal our dream will transpire
into reality, we have to start planning from this very moment
including which city will be hosts.
a protracted national debate and some khoona-khuni
among the 64 bidding districts, we will have to settle for
the capital if only for sheer numbers. It is likely that by
the time we bid for the Games ninety percent of our population
shall be residing in Dhaka's vertical slums. That is after
all the horizontal ones will have been filled to the brim.
However, to keep the district warriors at bay we may opt for
staging one event in each district. In that case Khulna is
sure to get Shooting.
begin planning with the Olympic flame that is lit at the ancient
site of Olympia by natural rays of the sun reflected off a
curved mirror. That we can allow. There women dressed in robes,
resembling those worn in ancient times, light the flame. Impossible,
as things appear now, or disappear, no women. At the all-male
Opening we shall have to rely on our increasing pastime smoking.
At the stadium the chief guest probably some limbless mastaan
shall light a cigarette and pass the end to a selected athlete,
who shall pass it on to the next athlete until the torch is
lit by a butt (not human) flicked into a cauldron of gas;
that's right, we will still be having a plenty because the
debate on whether we should export shall continue.
founding father Pierre de Coubertin said, probably in French,
"The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not
to win but to take part, just as the most important thing
in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential
thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well."
time 'taking part' will not be an issue as 420 officials as
against 50 athletes would have joined the Olympic parade carrying
the Bangladesh flag. We also don't need any foreign intervention
to tell us that it is more important to 'struggle' because
that is what we have been doing since our 1971 'triumph'.
About 'fighting well'… Well! There is an element of
encouragement there for the terrorists who by the present
goings-on are sure to be absolute rulers by then.
the trend of our national healthcare, by the time we host
the Dhaka Olympics we are unlikely to have anyone healthy
left to take part in the competition. But not to worry! At
the 1972 Munich Olympic Games, American Steven Genter suffered
a collapsed lung only a few days before his event. Swimming
without the consent of his doctors he went on to finish with
silver in the 200metres freestyle and silver in the 400metres
freestyle. History is on our side.
in 2004 reflected history with some guys and gals emulating
flying, but they had to be suspended by a rope. What a load
of bull! We will not need any rope to hang from. In Bangladesh
we have people whose two feet are never on the ground. They
have <>kaacha<> Taka and at least one close relative
in every cabinet.
water display as seen on TV will not be any problem for us.
With all the waterways around the City developed by then by
developers -- that's their work and sewerage lines clogged
by solid wastes, and low-lying areas featuring the biggest
air-con shopping centres in the world, we shall be able to
sport the event on our streets, perhaps with seagoing vessels.
That has never been seen before in the Olympics, so please
keep it a secret.
we will not be able to decide which singer should be given
centre stage, (that is because every singer knows every influential
person in every government), we will have to settle for as
many chorus songs as we can squeeze.
not be in any hurry to finish the Games and shall spread the
events over five months to break the 1904 St. Louis (USA)
record of four and half. We will ensure that in some events
there will be only Bangladeshi athletes to guarantee a clean
sweep. DCC may grumble that it means extra work for them,
but we will explain. Unfortunately, that will not be a record
as in St. Louis there were events with only USA participants.
problem left is what history we shall portray at the Games.
If you are toying with the line of the Sultanate period, followed
by the Mughal rule, the British Raj, the anti-Pakistan movement,
the Liberation War… think again. Suddenly I am reminded
of what Charles A. Beard said: "… one of the best
ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these
days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding
fathers used in the struggle for independence."
(R) thedailystar.net 2004