Men Got Pregnant
* Maternity leave would last two years...with full pay.
* There would be a cure for stretch marks.
* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
* Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
* All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
* Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
* They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
* Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
* Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
* Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
* They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
* Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main
* Women would rule the world.
Do Women Talk Too Much?
Sumon was trying to show his wife that women talk much more
than men. To prove his point he showed her a scholarly study
that showed men, on average, use about l500 words per day
as opposed to women, who use at least 3,000.
Shumi, his wife, pondered this for a little while and then
thought of an answer. "Women," she said, "must
use twice as many words as men, because they have to repeat
every thing they say."
Conversation with God
Man to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God to Man: "So you would love her."
"But God", Man says, "why did you make her
God replies: "So she would love you."
I'm a Guy
I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll
miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able
to survive by holding a calculator.
I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under
any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will
insist on taking it apart -- despite evidence that this will
just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here
and has to put it back together.
I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen
to a complete stranger -- how the heck could HE know where
I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either women or football, though I have
to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for
Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. Did you remember
to pick up something for my mom, too?
I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen
or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every
single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of
Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim
Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave.
Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.
I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine.
Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
I'm a guy and this is, after all, the 20th centory, I will
share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
(R) thedailystar.net 2004