Speaking . . .
*Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
*Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
*A room temperature IQ.
*A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
*A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
*A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
*One-celled organisms out-score him in IQ tests.
*Donated his body to scientists... Before he was done using
*During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
*Fell out of the family tree.
*Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
*Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking
*He's so dense, light bends around him.
*If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
*If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
*If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change
*If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
*One neuron short of a synapse.
*Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
*Takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".
*Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
*Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
blind man walks into a department store with his guide dog
on a leash. As usual, the store manager behind the customer
service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and
not wanting to stare quickly looks away again. Out of the
corner of his eye the manager sees the blind man start swinging
the dog over his head by its leash. Shocked, the manager runs
over and says "Sir, is there a problem? Is there anything
I can help you with?"
The blind man calmly replies "No, thanks -- I'm just
linguistics professor was lecturing his class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative
forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a negative. However, there is no language
in which a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters
into his own hands.
He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait
Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her
Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat.
Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing
out anybody or anything.
So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep
going back into your burning house and not coming out with
The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law."
(R) thedailystar.net 2004