Husbands and In-Laws
man left for work one Thursday afternoon, but since it was
payday, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the
boys and spending his entire paycheque instead of just going
straight home. When he finally appeared at home on Saturday
night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and a two-hour
tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the
nagging and simply asked, "How would you like it if you
didn't see me for two or three days?"
replied, "That would be fine with me."
went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday
came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling
went down just enough that he could see her a little bit out
of the corner of his left eye.
a husband was lying down his wife removed his glasses.
know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses
you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my
glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
man and his wife were having some problems at home and decided
not to talk to each other.
A week later, the man realised that, because of his laziness,
he needed help to wake up at 8 o'clock the next morning for
a job appointment.
He thought deeply and finally wrote on a paper "Please,
wake me up tomorrow at 7 o'clock."
The next morning, he woke up at 9 o'clock. Furious, he almost
turned all the house upside down when he saw on a table a
note: " It is 7, wake up!"
wife says to her husband, "Dear, this afternoon the big
clock fell off the wall. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my
mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt."
The husband replies, "Oh, my God! That clock has always
girl has brought her fiancé home for dinner. After
dinner, the fiancé and the girl's father go into the
study for a man to man talk.
"So, what are you doing right now?" asks the father.
"I am a theology scholar," replies the fiancé.
"Do you have any plans of employment?"
"I will study and God will provide."
"What about the children?" asks the man.
"God will provide."
"And your house and car?"
"Again, God will provide," says the fiancé.
After the talk, the girl's mother asks the father, "So
what did you two talk about?"
The man replies, "He has no plans of employment, but
on the other hand, he thinks I'm God."
*Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just throw up!
*They can't measure your intelligence. The scale won't go
*Appearances can be deceiving. Or, in your case, disgusting.
*I promise not to make fun of your height. I would never stoop
to that level.
*I'm glad you're tall. It gives me more of you to dislike.
*I think you stepped on something smelly. Like your feet!
*I've seen tables with nicer looking legs than yours.
*Are you going to eat that apple, or gum it to death?
*Your mouth's the perfect size... for your foot.
*I've seen a nose like yours before, but it looked better
on the baboon.
*Know what I like about your face? Me neither.
*Know what goes best with a face like yours? A paper bag.
*Why don't you do something different with your hair? Like,
*You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you
*You'll never use your mind. You can't lose what you never
*You've made this a date I won't forget... no matter how hard
*I know why they call this a "blind date." Because
now that I've seen you, I wish I were blind.
*You're like disposable diapers...always getting dumped.
*''What are you doing Friday night?'' ''Trying to forget you
just asked me that.''
*"What's he got that I haven't?" "You want
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