Kind of a Person
new additions to the periodic table of elements:
WOMANIUM Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils
at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly.
Very bitter if not used well.
properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic
food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion
of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!
MANIUM Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent
out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult
to find a pure sample. Due to rust, ageing samples are unable
to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.
Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive
when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period
of time. Neutralise by saturating with alcohol.
None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are
able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes
and begins to smell.
know you're a cat person when...
...you refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litter
...you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat
...you consider cat hair in your food as extra fibre.
...you apologise when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.
...you snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite
your guests to sit down.
...you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping
in the middle looking soooo cute!
...you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor.
...you spend more money on toys for your cats than on the
kids or grandkids.
...your neighbours refer to you as "the crazy one with
all the cats."
...you have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your
...you refer to your cat as your furry child.
...your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild."
...you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.
...you accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name!
...you set a place at the dinner table for your cat.
...you have a set of towels with "His" "Hers"
...you call home and leave a message on the answering machine
for your cat.
...you have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering
...you and kitty have matching outfits.
...your spouse says, "Me or the cat!" and there's
...you never go to the door unless it's to let a cat out.
...your favourite friends have fleas.
...you chose a house to buy based on it having a good location
for the cat box.
...you think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal.
...you own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers.
...you are lost for conversation with non-cat people.
...you meow so well, you confuse the cats.
...you bore the neighbours with discussions on the exact nutritional
differences between kinds of cat food …at length.
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