speaking . . .
lines to live by . . .
*Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that
comes from bad judgement.
*Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
*He who laughs last thinks slowest.
*How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
*I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
*I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
*I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame
*I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
*I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
*I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
*I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
*I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in
*I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
*I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
*I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
*I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
*I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
*I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
*If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that
*If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
*If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
*If you can't convince them, confuse them.
*If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
*If you lend someone 100 taka, and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
*If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
*If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of bill payments.
*It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
*It is far more impressive when others discover your good
qualities without your help.
*It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve
as a warning to others.
*It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
the neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
language instructor was explaining to her class that French
nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically
designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or
'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although
in English these words were neutral.
one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is
teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class
into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should
be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women
in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked
to give four reasons for their recommendation.
group of women concluded that computers should be referred
to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but
half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one you realise that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should
definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator can understand their internal
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory
for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(R) thedailystar.net 2005