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     Volume 4 Issue 35 | February 25, 2005 |

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Straight Talk

Is Love the Spice of Life?


So we have just survived Valentine's Day and with spring in the air I thought that maybe I should continue with this theme of love. I can almost hear all you confirmed singles out there groaning and thinking that life does not necessarily revolve around "love" and finding that "special someone". Possibly so, but it is a fact that there comes a certain time in our lives when the majority of us do feel the need to embark on this quest for love. All you have to do is take a look at our "Dear Mita" column and you can see that I'm not that far off base.

If you think about it, not only have poets and writers from every century written endlessly about finding true love, being in love, unrequited love and every aspect of this multifaceted emotion but people actually live, die and even kill for love. And this not something that only happens on celluloid. What a dull and unexciting place the world would be without a bit of spice to liven things up! Come on, one of my favourite poets Tennyson once said, "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Okay, so I'm not so sure that I agree with the losing part of the statement but being in love is something we ought to experience at least once in our lives.

When you are young and naive, you see things in a very uncomplicated and simple way. In one's mind love really is supposed to conquer everything. There are no pre-conceived notions of family back ground, social or economic status. Practicality does not necessarily rate very highly on the loveometre. But as you grow older and experience life, you start to realise that your priorities change and how you view the whole concept of love changes. In fact the qualities you look for in a partner also change. You recognise that there has to be some common grounds on which to base a relationship not necessarily economic or social background but at least the values that are fundamental to who you are.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a lot of men tend to be distracted by physical beauty and confuse love with infatuation. If you see a beautiful face it is very easy to convince oneself that the attraction you feel towards that person must be love! This is not to say that women don't go for looks because we do. Obviously one has to be attracted to the other person but physical attraction is not the only criterion on which to base a long term relationship. Sometimes, we have to look beyond the make up, fancy clothes or the smooth talking and see what lies beneath the surface.

Another factor which constantly strikes me is that people seem to avoid "nice". What do I mean by that? Well if you say someone is "nice" people somehow equate it with boring or unexciting! I wonder how many people have lost out on love and a great relationship while chasing after "exciting" as opposed to "nice". It also always surprises me when people complain about a relationship because they feel that it is too comfortable --- in my books comfortable is a good thing. You have to like and respect the person you are with and be "comfortable" with them to be able to spend the rest of your life with them. When you are knee deep in nappies or you have had an awful day with the mundane responsibilities that life throws at you, you want a partner who will look at you and think you are beautiful without a full face of make up or won't complain about the fact that you have not produced a four course meal.

I think one of the main differences between men and women when they are in love is that women need constant affirmation of feelings. Having said "I love you" once does not produce the necessary feeling of security that we as women tend to require. Love like anything needs to be nurtured and tended to if it is ever to reach its full potential! Men on the other hand don't seem to find it crucial to endlessly analyse relationships and scrutinise them under a microscope which in turn does not mean that they do not feel as deeply. But as with any great partnership, you have to find a sensible middle ground.

Well that was my two cents worth as a "loveologist" and I think in future I will stick to my day job and leave the whole quagmire of emotions pertaining to love to Dear Mita…


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