Love the Spice of Life?
NADIA KABIR BARB
we have just survived Valentine's Day and with spring in the
air I thought that maybe I should continue with this theme
of love. I can almost hear all you confirmed singles out there
groaning and thinking that life does not necessarily revolve
around "love" and finding that "special someone".
Possibly so, but it is a fact that there comes a certain time
in our lives when the majority of us do feel the need to embark
on this quest for love. All you have to do is take a look
at our "Dear Mita" column and you can see that I'm
not that far off base.
you think about it, not only have poets and writers from every
century written endlessly about finding true love, being in
love, unrequited love and every aspect of this multifaceted
emotion but people actually live, die and even kill for love.
And this not something that only happens on celluloid. What
a dull and unexciting place the world would be without a bit
of spice to liven things up! Come on, one of my favourite
poets Tennyson once said, "Better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all". Okay, so I'm not so
sure that I agree with the losing part of the statement but
being in love is something we ought to experience at least
once in our lives.
you are young and naive, you see things in a very uncomplicated
and simple way. In one's mind love really is supposed to conquer
everything. There are no pre-conceived notions of family back
ground, social or economic status. Practicality does not necessarily
rate very highly on the loveometre. But as you grow older
and experience life, you start to realise that your priorities
change and how you view the whole concept of love changes.
In fact the qualities you look for in a partner also change.
You recognise that there has to be some common grounds on
which to base a relationship not necessarily economic or social
background but at least the values that are fundamental to
who you are.
going to go out on a limb and say that a lot of men tend to
be distracted by physical beauty and confuse love with infatuation.
If you see a beautiful face it is very easy to convince oneself
that the attraction you feel towards that person must be love!
This is not to say that women don't go for looks because we
do. Obviously one has to be attracted to the other person
but physical attraction is not the only criterion on which
to base a long term relationship. Sometimes, we have to look
beyond the make up, fancy clothes or the smooth talking and
see what lies beneath the surface.
factor which constantly strikes me is that people seem to
avoid "nice". What do I mean by that? Well if you
say someone is "nice" people somehow equate it with
boring or unexciting! I wonder how many people have lost out
on love and a great relationship while chasing after "exciting"
as opposed to "nice". It also always surprises me
when people complain about a relationship because they feel
that it is too comfortable --- in my books comfortable is
a good thing. You have to like and respect the person you
are with and be "comfortable" with them to be able
to spend the rest of your life with them. When you are knee
deep in nappies or you have had an awful day with the mundane
responsibilities that life throws at you, you want a partner
who will look at you and think you are beautiful without a
full face of make up or won't complain about the fact that
you have not produced a four course meal.
think one of the main differences between men and women when
they are in love is that women need constant affirmation of
feelings. Having said "I love you" once does not
produce the necessary feeling of security that we as women
tend to require. Love like anything needs to be nurtured and
tended to if it is ever to reach its full potential! Men on
the other hand don't seem to find it crucial to endlessly
analyse relationships and scrutinise them under a microscope
which in turn does not mean that they do not feel as deeply.
But as with any great partnership, you have to find a sensible
that was my two cents worth as a "loveologist" and
I think in future I will stick to my day job and leave the
whole quagmire of emotions pertaining to love to Dear Mita…
(R) thedailystar.net 2004