I am a 16-year-old girl doing my O'levels. I have fulfilled
many responsibilities of an adult, including taking care of
my problem-ridden family. Now I am in a trouble myself. I
am in love with a 21-year-old man. He lives abroad and we've
known each other for years. We expressed our love for each
other a few months ago and he has done everything to make
me happy. I wanted to marry him at a suitable age. He said
he will wait, but due to certain circumstances. I want to
do it right now. He is rich and from a good family. He will
be coming to Dhaka and we have decided to secretly get married
and he will again ask my hand from my family when he will
be able to stand on his own feet. But I feel really bad about
this. My mother trusts me a lot. I feel really guilty about
the fact that I always share everything with her but now,
when I am so happy, I can't share it with her. I know she
won't accept it because I am young and haven't finished my
studies. I want to be happy but this action will make my mother,
who is the most important person in my life, feel that I am
a disgrace to her. But don't I deserve a little happiness?
Of course you are entitled to all the happiness in the world.
However, you are too young to take this decision right now.
You might not agree with this, but I will not advise you to
get married secretly. You should definitely wait till you
complete your education and both of you are matured enough
to handle the responsibility of marriage. If your love is
serious then it will survive all pressures and both of you
will emerge stronger from this experience. It is not advisable
to rush into this. Think very carefully about the consequences
I am a candidate of the upcoming SSC examinations in mid-March.
I am an average student, but recently, a family problem has
disrupted my studies. My father is having an affair with our
maid. A few days ago, my mother caught him red-handed. Since
then she has been at her parents' and refuses to come home.
My younger brother and I are very lonely, and the thought
of my father's disgraceful activities is very disturbing.
I need my mother to be with me at this difficult time. I'm
afraid my exams might be disastrous otherwise. Please tell
me what I should do.
By the time you get this response, your exams would have already
started. I realise that this is a very difficult situation
for you and your brother. However, you have to be strong and
matured. Focus on your studies and take everything out of
your mind. Keep in touch with your mother and see her as much
as you can. Under no circumstances should you jeopardise your
career by failing in your exams. This crisis in your family
will pass someday but you have to build your career and your
life and the most important thing at this moment is to do
well in your SSC exams.
I live in a mess. There are many students like myself living
there. I also have a good friend there. But I have noticed
recently that he has changed. He has started smoking, and
one day he was doing it in front of me. I told him not to,
because it wasn't good for him. But he just went off saying
that I wasn't his guardian and that he didn't have to listen
to me. I was astonished at his response and now things are
a little uncomfortable. Do you know of any way this problem
can be solved amicably?
There is nothing much you can do if your friend is unwilling
to listen. You should not push this too hard as he should
take responsibility for his actions. If he wants to smoke
and harm his health then let him do it, he will just learn
the hard way. Some people do not listen till something terrible
happens and your friend seems to be that way. If his friendship
means a lot to you then just talk to him in a friendly way
without appearing like a guardian. If he refuses to understand
then just let it pass.
(R) thedailystar.net 2005