Life to the Full
is what happens to you while you are making other plans."
to live by . . .
*The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required
*The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness
of the bread.
*The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
belt and a flat tire.
*The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
*The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
*The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
*The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
*The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
ability to reach it.
*The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
*The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch
*The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's
no future in time travel.
*There are three kinds of people: those who can count and
those who can't.
*There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
*There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
*Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
*Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all of
*Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
*To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
many is research.
*To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above
was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before
they were to be married, were both tragically killed in an
automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates
of heaven being escorted in by the gatekeeper.
a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took the
gatekeeper aside and said, "My fiancée and I are
very happy to be in heaven but we miss very much the opportunity
to have celebrated our wedding vows. Is it possible for people
in heaven to get married?"
looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard
of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll
have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get
you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday."
appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels
into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated
the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I
tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get
married, come back and we will talk about it again."
five years went by, and the couple still very much wanting
to get married, came back. Again the Lord God Almighty said,
"Please, you must wait another five years and then I
will consider your request."
they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time, ten
years after their first request, and ask the Lord again. This
time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry. This Saturday
at 2:00 p.m., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main
hall. The reception will be on me!"
went beautifully, all the guests thought the bride was beautiful.
Moses brought some flowers from the Nile River Delta and Gandhi
came wearing his finest hand-woven sari. The couple was married
but a few weeks when they realised they had made a horrible
mistake, they just couldn't stay married to one another.
made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty, this
time to ask if they could get a divorce in heaven. When the
Lord heard their request, he looked at them and said, "Look,
it took us 10 years to find a religious person to marry you
up here in heaven, do you have any idea how long it'll take
to find a lawyer?"
(R) thedailystar.net 2005