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     Volume 4 Issue 39 | March 25, 2005 |

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Living Life to the Full

"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans."

Lines to live by . . .
*The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
*The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
*The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
*The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
*The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
*The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
*The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
*The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
*The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
*The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
*The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
*There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
*There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
*There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
*Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
*Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all of its students.
*Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
*To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
*To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

There was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before they were to be married, were both tragically killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by the gatekeeper.

After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took the gatekeeper aside and said, "My fiancée and I are very happy to be in heaven but we miss very much the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?"

The gatekeeper looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday."

Come the appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again."

Well, five years went by, and the couple still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again the Lord God Almighty said, "Please, you must wait another five years and then I will consider your request."

Finally, they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time, ten years after their first request, and ask the Lord again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry. This Saturday at 2:00 p.m., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main hall. The reception will be on me!"

The wedding went beautifully, all the guests thought the bride was beautiful. Moses brought some flowers from the Nile River Delta and Gandhi came wearing his finest hand-woven sari. The couple was married but a few weeks when they realised they had made a horrible mistake, they just couldn't stay married to one another.

So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty, this time to ask if they could get a divorce in heaven. When the Lord heard their request, he looked at them and said, "Look, it took us 10 years to find a religious person to marry you up here in heaven, do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"


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