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     Volume 4 Issue 44 | April 29, 2005 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm having some problems in my life because of the presence of a certain person. She attends some classes with us but she does not come to school as often as I. This is because she is six months senior to me and was supposed to give her A' level exams in January of this year but for some reason she didn't. Bottom line is, I fell for her the first time I laid eyes on her, and now it's getting pretty difficult for me to get her out of my head and concentrate on my studies. If you understand the concept of "Love At First Sight" then you should be able to grasp the general idea of my situation. I sought help from my friends and they said to focus on my exams for now and the problem will fade as time progresses. I realise that being an 18-yr old I shouldn't be thinking about deep relationships at this stage and that it'll never work out between us as she is senior to me. I've also told my parents about this and they said "time will tell," which I understand. I feel so helpless at times...I am good friends with her ex-boyfriend and he says that it's impossible to make her feel the way I want because she is very rude towards others. Thus, although she looks like an angel to me at times, I would like to remove her from the equation that is my life...I know it will be hard for me at first but I am willing to accept that sacrifice so that I can proceed the rest of my life with ease. I do not wish to scar my life forever with a defiling entity eating away at my mind, so as a final resort I turn to you for some advice on this problem and ask you, how do I forget her...?

Dear M,
First of all, do not use such harsh words as "defiling entity eating away at my mind", etc. You friends and family are right, you need to focus on your studies and your ambitions to go ahead in life rather than waste your time on someone who does not even care about you. Admittedly, there is a factor of love at first sight and it does happen sometimes, however, even that is based on certain realities. There is no need to forget her, she will be there, but you will go ahead in life and someday you will look back on this as just a passing phase, a part of growing up and nothing more.

Dear Mita,
I am a college student. My best friend goes to the same college as me. Our families used to be very friendly but then there was a land dispute and, though the problem has been solved, the families have not made up. My friend and I really want things to be okay between our families. What should we do?

Dear AA,
Both of you have to give time to your families to make up and renew their previous relationship. Meanwhile, start to talk and discuss this matter quietly with those members of the family who will listen or are a little sympathetic. Do not rush them as it will not work; rather, plan their reunion in discreet and small meetings and special occasions. Try to highlight the many positive aspects of the friendship they once had and tactfully suggest that this should be renewed over time. Of course, for this to happen, both the parties will have to make compromises.

Dear Mita,
I am a BSc Honours student. I am very sincere about my studies but my family does not want me to continue. There are five members in my family and I am the only son. I want to go abroad for my higher education which is crucial for my career but my family wants me to get a job here. I worry about my family but I don't know what to do. Please help.

Dear BH,
Sometimes going abroad is not the best option. There might be institutions in Bangladesh that could offer you a good education to advance your career. If your family is against your going abroad they might have valid reasons. You should be open and talk to them. You must remember that the family will always want the best for you. Sometimes due to extraneous reasons such as financial constraints they cannot always fulfil all your demands. However, in the long run it is the family that will stand by you.

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