Home  -  Back Issues  -  The Team  -  Contact Us
     Volume 4 Issue 76 | December 23, 2005 |

   News Notes
   Cover Story
   Straight Talk
   Food For Thought
   Slice of Life
   Book Review
   Dhaka Diary
   New Flicks
   Write to Mita

   SWM Home


What a Load of Genuine Bull

(or Lucrative Lollypop)


Now many of you must have heard about the turkey chatting with the bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,' the turkey had sighed, 'but I haven't got the energy'. Stupid ambitious turkey!
'Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?' the polite bull had replied. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
Some guys will do anything to go to the top. So, the turkey had pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was the dud proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. What else did you expect from a farmer?
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
No virus, nothing. On 15 December I get this email from my downloaded inbox. It was from a Fred Lolly. Nothing suspicious; could be some colleague in the UK. So I clicked it open. It said:

Dear Sir,
(I'll never know how he found out I was male)
I am ware the kind of surprise this letter will bring to you especially the fact that it is coming from a complete stranger, but out of my desperate search for this urgent business transaction, I came across your contact through the world trade center (W.T.C.) regional office in here in London.

I am MR FRED LOLLY an auditor with Imperial Bank of Commerce (IBC) Branch Office here in London.

In January 1999, a Russian oil consultant / contractor (MR. ZIYA BAZHAYEV) made a numbered-time (fixed) deposit for twelve calendar months valued at US$15,800,000.00 (Fifteen Million Eight Hundred thousand US Dollars) in a Domiciliary Account in our bank.

Upon maturity, the bank sent a routine notification of Account Status to his forwarding address but got no reply. After two months, we sent a reminder of same letter and finally we discovered from his contact employers, Oil Alliance Company, his Company's branch in London, that Mr. Ziya Bazhayev died in a plane Crash of Yak-40 jetliner on March 9, 2000. May his gentle soul rest in perfect peace!

In one of our routine audits, I discovered that this account has not been operated for so many years. After further investigation I found out that he did not leave a WILL and all attempts to trace his Next-of-kin were fruitless.

(Even Oil Alliance Company did not know???)
Efforts made to trace his surviving relatives has failed and from the account profile the only relative next of kin manifested was his only son who also died in the plane crash alongside his wife.

(Sounds like the crossfire stories)
This means that he has no other person left to inherit his estates. This sum of US$15,800,000.00 (Fifteen Million Eight Hundred thousand US Dollars) is still floating in our Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one would come forward to claim it.

According to the British Law, at the expiration of 6 (six) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the British Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.

Consequent upon the above, my proposal is that I would like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next-of-kin to the Late MR. ZIYA BAZHAYEV.

(How does he know I resemble Mr. Bazhayev)
(There must be millions others in the UK who would volunteer)
I have made necessary plans on how to work out documentations to be submitted to the bank that will prove any foreigner that is ready to work with me in this project (project???), by providing the bank account where this money will be transferred, which will present you as the next surviving relative of MR. ZIYA BAZHAYEV, which will give you the legal (legal???) right of inheriting this money.

As soon as I receive your response, I will be able to inform you modalities and plans under which this transaction will be successfully completed without any risk involved.

(You are not hearing from me in the next seven generations)
Note here that this transaction will be concluded within 14 working days ones (a UK bank officer should have better spelling capabilities) we proceed. I wait for your response. Please provide your telephone and fax numbers for easy communication
(aamarey pagoley pai-se?)

Best Regards,
Telephone: 44-7871477108
Now anyone of you interested (and bigger than Fred), you could pick up the phone and ring him. That's your prerogative. But spare a thought for the turkey. Don't become one!

Copyright (R) thedailystar.net 2005