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     Volume 4 Issue 76 | December 23, 2005 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
When I was in Class 12, I was attracted to a pretty classmate. But I couldn't propose to her and she suddenly married a Canadian immigrant and went with him to Canada. I drowned myself in sorrow and felt very helpless. Now I am doing my Masters in Public Administration at Rajshahi University. She has recently come back to Bangladesh along with her one-year-old child, while her husband is in Canada. She often talks to me over cell phone in a romantic manner and asks me out on dates, as if she wants to become involved with me. I feel something for her too but am hesitating to respond. What should I do?

Dear Timid,
You are not being timid; actually you are being sensible. There is no future in this relationship and you are better off not getting involved. She is bored and wants to be entertained. I think she is being very irresponsible and you should not get involved in any way. She has chosen her partner and way of life. In a few days or months she will leave for Canada and will be back to her world. Think of your short relationship with her as some pleasant memory that is now in the past. Look ahead to the future which I am sure has many big prospects.

Dear Mita,
I have recently completed MBA from a public university. Prior to that, I did my BBA. I started my career in banking two and a half years back. But I always dreamt of being a teacher. Moreover, I haven't been able to adjust with my present job which is so prosaic, monotonous and time-consuming that a social life is impossible. Work starts at eight in the morning and does not end before 8:30 in the evening. Thus, I never have time to meet up with family or friends and leave is just an impossible thing. It is mentioned in the service with bold emphasis that leave cannot be claimed as a right. I am applying for a post as a lecturer in private universities. But I am getting very few interview cards and the questions I face at interviews seem unnecessary for a teaching job. I am very disappointed and not comfortable with my present job. Please suggest what I can do.

Dear Disappointed,
You should not have any problems finding another job with your qualifications. However, finding the right job that you like, one which will give you flexibility to have a social life as well, will always be a concern. This is not only true for you but for many who have started careers. This is a competitive world and only those who are willing to give up social pleasures are likely to succeed. There is also a perception that this is the age to work hard so that you can enjoy yourself later. Please go on applying for jobs of your liking but remember the grass on the other side always seems greener. A teaching job might not be all that attractive once you get it.

Dear Mita,
I am a Class 10 madrasa student. My friends think I'm a good student, but my family doesn't. My mother is always crying over me, saying she'll die crying for me. But I can't love her. She beat me when I was a child and, though I care about her today, I can't obey her. Everyone in my family is always pushing me to come first in class. I feel helpless and disheartened. Before, I used to confine myself to my study, but now I just walk the streets alone at night. I want to enjoy life. What should I do? Please help.

Dear R,
If you have some issues of childhood then you should confront it and talk to at least someone in the family. Parents discipline their children but that does not mean they do not love them. Often this disciplining goes beyond a certain limit and someone should interfere. However, in our culture, parents have the last say and children have few rights. Now that you are growing up you will learn from the mistakes and not repeat it in your life. As for your mother, you should forgive her and make a fresh start.


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