Image wise media foolish
BACHCHU: Dosto! Please help me. I need to find a bride, and soon.
Sachchu: With the male-female ratio in this country being 50:50, that should not be a big problem.
B: 50:50? I thought we had more men than women, and that someone took my share. Are you absolutely sure about your figures?
S: Not really, but since no one knows for sure… how can you, with not all the ladies willing to be counted …my statistics gives me somewhat of an intellectual repute.
B: But, there are some who practically live a whole life on that sort of elevated reputation.
S: Only because they are brave like me. They say it with all seriousness and all the others take them seriously.
B: Even if you are close to being right, getting a bou for me it seems should not be a problem.
S: That is where you are wrong. Women today have attained a certain status in the society. They want to be tied up with someone who has a good image.
B: I have no problem with my image.
S: You don't? Have you forgotten the other day you beat up a <>sangbadik<>? How awful! Don't you think the women heard about it?
B: But that guy was being rather haughty.
S: Haughty? All he asked you was how you could afford a Pajero.
B: It is a Mercedes, in fact.
S: What about you turning out to be a liar?
S: That's right. For years you denied there were militants in the country, that the freedom-loving people were killing each other. Then suddenly one fine morning you come running to my house to announce that you saw one.
B: But that was at my Dulabhai's house. The kingpin comes there every ten days.
S: Ten days?
B: Yeah! He has been doing that for the last two months.
S: You have a dulabhai who sits with this guy…?
B: Not really. When he comes after every ten days, my dulabhai is usually standing up.
S: Moreover, the entire neighbourhood now knows you hoard things.
B: But I am saving all these for a rainy day.
S: That could be another reason why there has been so little rain this season. Divine justice is all I can see in this.
B: I have no choice. I fear the price of sugar will soon be taka 100, as will be that of daal, and that a kg of meat will be taka 200 and that a tormuz will sell for taka 300 and…
S: I heard you also hit a poor farmer the other day.
B: But he wanted electricity connection from my house. Beyaadab from nowhere!
S: That's his right. He needs it to produce food for us and him.
B: No, he wants to watch DVD, channel programmes and microwave his food.
S: And why not?
B: He should only farm. What does he know about Kusum… and Barisal-er Bawr Kolkata-r Kawney?
S: But you injured him badly.
B: That is not a big deal. I will pay him some money as compensation.
S: Human life cannot be compensated.
B: Kill the gushti of all your aatel buli and help me get a bride. Dosto…
S: But your image is so poor.
B: It's the media. They are ruining everything.
S: But it's their job.
B: That's the problem. When no one in the entire country is doing their job, what is the theka of the reporter to report everything, and that too only the bad things?
S: How can he help if indeed everything is bad?
B: That is why I hate journalists. They never write about the positives.
B: Me and Rekha?
S: Don't be silly, you one-track mind. We will talk about your positives! The bride's side should know about your good side.
B: You convinced me I don't have any.
S: Although there is very little of it, it can be taken care of. There are people in the States who do this job!
B: My image will be portrayed by someone that far away? That's ridiculous!
S: Not for free, brother, not for free.
B: Money I have. I can sell some of the hoarded maal. I can also get some from my dulabhai and his dulabhai.
S: I think you may need more than two dulabhais to pay the American lobbyists.
B: Why can't I use my deshi chamcha to set my image right? I pay him enough.
S: Now you too are talking like a journalist. Don't you understand you can show the income tax guys much more than you spend on the Americans? This could be your major source of earning some legal money.
B: Dosto, I will do anything for my image.
S: That's understandable. You wanting to get a bou is also understandable. I understand everything except the 'soon' thing.
B: You see, my caretaker will be here soon. And he does not usually like my haab-bhaab. He is bound to tell any hobu-bou about my activities, and then I will be a goner.
S: As if they do not already know.
B: How the he…?
S: Media. Remember? The media!
(R) thedailystar.net 2006