The World Cup Final
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that the there is a spare seat in between himself and the next guy.
"Who would ever miss the World Cup final?" Asks the man.
"That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away." Explains the guy.
"That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend or someone else to come with you?" Asks the man.
"No.....They are all at the funeral!"
John Toshack phones Sven to find out how to improve his training methods. "Dustbins" says Sven. Position dustbins around the training pitch and get your players to pass the ball between them, dribble round them, chip the ball over them, it'll improve all round control". The next day Sven's phone rings. "Hi, it's John Toshack here. The dustbin's are winning 3-0. What do I do now?"
Two Elderly Sisters
Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.
"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kick-off and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.
"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
The Cricketer and Psychiatrist
The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.
Cricketer: 'It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?
Doctor: 'Get another job.'
Cricketer: 'I can't. I'm playing for England tomorrow !'
Batsman and Wicket Keeper
The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, 'Well, I expect you've seen worse players.'
He said 'I said I expect you've seen worse players.'
'I heard you the first time. I was just trying to think.'
Is Cricket Played in Heaven?
A very keen cricketer asked a divine, allegedly with good connections on high , whether there was any cricket in heaven .
The priest replied:"I can't tell you now , but if you come back on Sunday , I might have an answer . "
On Sunday I the priest told the cricketer : "I've had good news and bad news . The good news is : Yes , there is cricket in heaven . And now for the bad news : You are in to bat on Friday !"
The Slow Golfer
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
"Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
Source: jokes.net & bbc.co.uk
Copyright (R) thedailystar.net 2006