M.A. (pass) A-cheez quotes the quotable
For those of you who thought that jiddi Kojak is disjointed and unintelligible in his statements, written, verbal and in ishara, with reference to making a list, stopping to make a list by a directive, appealing against the directive, continuing to make a list, announcing a list full of fake, underage and dead people, missing out eligible real people, again stopping to make a list, waiting for the court's decision in writing, passing ten idle days before accepting the court's long-known well-publicised decision, finding the task of going door-to-door unnecessary, and blaming it on the learned court, then you ought to be surprised to find out that he is not alone. In fact, up there, or is it down there, competition is stiff.
The 1995 Miss America Heather Whitestone was asked, 'If you could live forever, would you and why?' She replied: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.'
Putting that statement into our context, the 2006 Mr Bangladesh Elections was asked, 'If you could make a list forever, would you and why?' He in all solemnity replied: 'I would not make a list forever, because we should not make a list forever, because if we were supposed to make a list forever, then we would make a list forever, but we cannot make a list forever, which is why I would not make a list forever.' Well done!
How about this one? The Greenville, South Carolina Department of Social Services wrote this to a respected citizen: 'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you! You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
By their refusal to go door-to-door, our Election Commission may end up writing this: 'Your name will be dropped effective end July 2006 because we received notice that you passed away. May Allah bless you! You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president,' First Lady and Democratic Senator from New York Hillary Clinton is quoted as commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
This one is easy. 'I'm not going to have some policemen pawing through our papers. We are the commission,' you-know-who from Agargaon commented on the release of fake voter list demanded by the court.
This one is attributed to FCC (Federal Communications Commission) Chairman Mark S. Fowler: 'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.
Spokesman of the Election Commission goes hoo-boo-hoo: 'If somebody wants to enlist, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up, they'll be enlisted.'
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,' said Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry.
Our Chief Engineering Commissioner borrowed that line and said, 'Outside of the fake voters, the Election Commission has one of the lowest crime rates in the country'.
'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure,' said US President Bill Clinton.
Our dosto (aziz) copied that verbatim, 'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure'.
'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas,' according to Keppel Enderbery.
'Traditionally, most of Bangladesh's voters come from inland,' said our man of the moment, so named because he may not be there another moment, if he should listen to our ministers and opposition leaders.
US Vice President Al Gore stated, 'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
The elections boss stated in reference to the elections, 'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,' attributed to model, movie and TV actress Brooke Shields during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
'Voting kills. If you've voted, you've lost a very important part of your life,' model and TV factor chee-ee-chee would be saying during an interview in future to become spokesperson for international anti-listing campaign.
'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people' observed ROTC (Reserve Officers' Training Corps) Instructor Colonel Gerald Wellman.
Borrowing that line M.A. (pass) A-cheez said, 'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
'That low-down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,' said a congressional candidate in Texas.
'That low-down lawyer (giving byakkha to the court ruling on voter list) deserves to be taught by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,' said a former chief engineering commissioner in Dhaka
(R) thedailystar.net 2006