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     Volume 5 Issue 104 | July 21, 2006 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am 21 years old and I am facing a very weird problem. One of my classmates has fallen in love with me. I know him for more than 12 years. Though I am not going out with anyone I don't think he is the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. From the very first day of our introduction I made clear about this but he never pays any heed. He keeps proposing to me again and again. I want to have him only as a friend and nothing else. I could easily cheat him but I don't want to lose a friend like him. For some days he is trying to avoid me. Was it my fault that I spent time with him at the time of my greatest sorrow? Was it wrong that I clearly informed him that I want him only as my friend, not as my lover? What can I do now?

Dear Y,
No, you did not make any mistake by letting him know how you feel. If this means that you will lose a friend then so be it. In these situations it is best to be completely honest. It might seem cruel now but in the long run both of you will be better off for it. Please do not worry too much, he will eventually understand and become your friend once again. However, if he broods over this or blames you for it then you cannot do anything about it. You will just have to conclude that he is not mature enough to be your friend.

Dear Mita
I would like to tell you about a crucial problem one of my friends is facing. He is a 23-year-old Muslim. Sometime last year he fell in love with a Hindu girl. She is also our classmate. He proposed to her but she tried to make him understand about the incompatibility between them. But my friend wasn't ready to list a to any thing. It turned out to be a do or die situation for him so all his friends tried to make the girl understand and accept him and eventually she agreed. But now a big problem has arisen. My friend's family is very conservative and will not accept the girl. Moreover there is pressure on the girl from her family to get married. Their life will be spoiled if they do not get each other. In this situation I need your kind and helpful suggestion.

Dear Moin,
I have answered this kind of letter before. My position is very clear on this. If they are truly in love, have thought about this and have decided they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other then no matter what the obstacle, they should go ahead and plan their lives together. She should not succumb to pressure to marry anyone else and he should persuade his family to accept her. If they refuse then he should wait and get married only when he is able to maintain a family independently.

Dear Mita,
I am 15 years old and I'm going through a lot of emotional turmoil at the moment. My parents are getting a divorce and the very thought is just breaking my heart into pieces. They always used to have fights but they always made up in the end. I am trying everything in my power to convince them to stay together but it seems that they have made up their selfish minds and want to live separately. I love them both very much but since my mother is going off to the US where she has her immediate relatives she wants to take me with her. She thinks the education there will do me good. My dad on the other hand wants me to stay here with him but said it's my decision completely. I'm going out of my mind thinking how I'm going to live without one of them. It's a huge decision and I really don't know what to do. Would you please help me out?

Dear Kona,
I have no words to express my sympathy at your situation. It is really selfish of your parents to put you through this. What ever you decide will mean living away from one of them. Frankly, I am finding it difficult to advise you. However, if you are serious about studies then the US might give you more options. You can think of going with your mother and try it out. You father must give you assurance that no matter what happens he will be there for you and welcome you if you want to return. Meanwhile, encourage your parents to agree that they will not use you and will let you decide where you ultimately want to live.


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